First of all I would like to make it clear that I am not a genius. I am just a young girl who learned a few lessons and would like to share them with you. They do say experience is the best teacher, and the fact is they have never lied. Sometimes we go through these things and we curse life and sometimes we blame ourselves but what I have learned is that for everything we go through we learn something that will help us in the future. You will find that some of the lessons listed below are from watching others go through it and listening to their stories.
And what is better than skipping some of these by learning from someone else?
DEATH DOES NOT CARE FOR YOUR FEELINGS
I have been to so many funerals and most have been of family but get this, I was prepared for each of them because the people had fallen sick. So yes, it hurts but if you prepare for the moment. Last year I lost a very good friend of mine, he was not sick, it was not suicide but he is not with us anymore.
That pain hit different, I felt like my heart was getting minced. Nothing made sense and if I tell you that till today I still cannot delete his phone number. I remember on that very same day when I got the news, I tried to
Death doesn’t care that you love the person, it does not care that you depend on them or your life without them feels like a mess. It does not care that you have major plans with them, it swoops in and takes them away. So stop wasting time being angry, annoyed, irritated, love and love intentionally. Say what you need to say and spend enough time with the people you love because death does not care!
BLACK TAX IS DEPRESSING YOU AND YOUR SAVINGS
I am such a helper and I hate to watch other people suffer especially if I can help. If I say I have been a victim of black tax, I would be lying, I guess it is because my family is just that broken. However, I have watched closely from those that are part of the pool and it is not pretty.
I just want to say this, ‘you cannot help other people before helping yourself.’
It makes no sense to invest in other people to the extent you are left feeling empty. When you cannot fulfill your own dreams whilst helping others then it means you are walking into a deep depression and a path of bitterness. Helping people has to leave you feeling good because you have changed a life, the moment it feels like a burden that is a major sign that it is tearing your life apart.
It sounds absolutely mean but it is a fact you need to put yourself first. Help when you can with what you can, whether they appreciate or not is not your problem, as long as you can walk away and still do the things you need to do for yourself. If they do not want to see you grow ten do they really love you or your money?
YOU NEED PEOPLE BUT YOU DON’T
Yes, no man is an island. Everybody needs company, we need a shoulder to lean on from time to time. That is a given but when your life starts to completely depend on someone else to make sense then we have a problem.
I found myself starting to do this at some point, where someone’s no would mean I am having a horrible day. When I questioned my own writing before putting it out because they would say something, if the comments were negative I would contemplate shutting down. I ran all my ideas by this person and if they disagreed or did not like it in as much as I wanted to try that one thing I would not do it. It was terrible! I snapped one day, I realized that at the end of the day I am good at what I do, I am the talent and never again did I allowed them to dictate how good or bad my work is, it is what I want it to be, the end!
You are the talent, you are the drive and you are the power. You can do anything you want to so go for it, it is a scary world out there but honey you got it in you to conquer!
COMMUNICATION IS YOUR BIGGEST AND GREATEST TOOL
You are upset, communicate the why. You are happy, communicate the why. You are anxious, communicate the why. It is the best thing you could ever do for yourself.
I suck at confrontation and so I let things go but then they pile up and then one day I blow up and by then it is too late. There is no turning back, chances are I have nothing left for you. I do not hate you but then you are not important anymore, I hope that makes sense.
I am learning to do better with my communication and it is in this journey that I have learned what effective communication can do for you as a person. If you are me, please try to walk away from the pandora box life.
IT IS OK TO SHARE INFORMATION WITH PEOPLE IN YOUR FIELD
I know a lot of you disagree with me, which is why I brought this up. We have a mentality that does not allow us to build each other and believe it or not it is holding us back.
I see a lot of this in the blogging industry, especially amongst the female bloggers. The problem is that we compete with each other instead of just holding hands and fighting the war together. We already have our gender fighting us, the world already looks at us and sees incompetence, and now we are competing against each other?
Listen, nobody is stealing your shine just because you shared a few secrets you discovered because remember you are your own unique voice and they are their own. When you open doors by sharing, you may open opportunities for yourself.
A SET BACK DOES NOT MARK THE END OF YOUR STORY
In 2019 I went through the biggest setback I have ever had in my life. You know when you think you finally have your shit together and life is there like, ooooooh you thought! Yep, that small snag seemed so big then and I was ready to throw in the towel, literally.
I battled with suicidal thoughts and wore a smile with the rest of the world. It felt like things would never be ok in my life, as if I was destined to suffer I was tired but what I did not realize was that all that was just a lesson to prepare me for what was to come.
I thank God for the people in my life who gave me hope unknowingly. I found my strength, accepted the situation and did something about it. If I tell you that I have started to achieve all the things I thought I would never be able to, you might not believe me. Do not give up on yourself or your dreams, take the set back as a lesson.
WATCH WHAT YOU SAY TO YOURSELF
Your words are very powerful, this is why I continue to tell people to affirm themselves. Go ahead and speak things into existence for yourself. I used to wait for people to do this for me until I realized that I AM THE POWER I NEED.
I rarely speak things into existence during the people, I am a very private person. I do it in my own safe space and I write it all down too. My goals, my affirmations, all of it is written down. I have already achieved some things that were on year plan for 2020, I wrote it and I spoke it, it is done! Be kind to yourself.
Tell yourself you can because you can. Tell yourself you are gorgeous because you are. Tell yourself you are the best at what you do BECAUSE YOU ARE! It all begins in the mind.
BREAK THE RULES THEY SET FOR YOU
Break them all and set your own rules, whose life is it anyway? I am not sure if this needs any more explanation. All I am saying is write your own story, it is your life. Remove the limitations they have built around you. You do not need them.
IT IS YOUR MARRIAGE BUT THEIR WEDDING
Never been married by the way but I know now that the wedding is not yours. Someone out there is about to fulfill their dream wedding through you because someone else stole their opportunity to fulfill theirs. For this, I am
BE CAREFUL OF THE COMPANY YOU KEEP
As long as they keep fighting your growth then you do not need them around. Yes, I did say that you are the powerhouse but do not underestimate the power that lies in the company you keep. They may drain the power you need to actually stay alive and you will not realize it until it seems too late. It never is but imagine being delayed because of another human being you chose?
Choose your friends wisely, playtime and phanda (work) time must be balanced!
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That’s it from me today, enjoy your day. CIAO!