Confirm the honeymoon phase is the best of it all? Listen, the butterflies and the rush are to die for. Statements like, ‘things have changed,’ and ‘you have changed,’ start to fly around and this is the stage where the bond either breaks or gets stronger. Most times, the bond breaks because a couple of things were not put into place.
We absolutely love to wing it with our relationships. I mean, sure, it makes it more interesting to learn as you go but you can easily burn yourself whilst you are at it.
So please make sure you both agree on the following:
YOU ARE IN FACT IN A RELATIONSHIP AND ARE EXCLUSIVE – this may sound ridiculous but y’all, find out if the other person is with you on this one. We have seen these stories where people think they are with someone only to be told they were never together. Imagine thinking this person is for you when they are not even counting you.
ASK THE QUESTION! Men hate it but then we ain’t got time to waste, ANSWER THE QUESTION!
WHERE THE RELATIONSHIP IS GOING – ok, so now you know that you are indeed a couple and you want to do this life thing together. Where are you going with this love? You may be with someone willing to commit to you but does not want to get married, wouldn’t it be best to know right away especially if you want to get married? How many children does this person want to have? Do they want them at all? These are things we believe should be put off because it might scare the other person away but let’s be honest, if they wanted to go, they will go anyway.
THIRD-PARTY INTERVENTIONS – I absolutely hate these but that is just me, some people prefer to have a counselor involved in their relationship from the get-go. I know churches who assign an elder/accountability partner who is heavily involved in a couple’s relationship. So find out if the person you are with is for the idea of involving other people especially when you have problems or they would rather you work things out on your own.
CONFLICT RESOLUTION – Remember when I wrote about knowing how you handle your emotions? It becomes important when you have this conversation because then your partner is also aware of your process. This way they know to give you space if need be before trying to have a conversation with you and vice versa. Having a healthy conflict resolution agreement will definitely make for a healthy relationship.
WHEN DOES WHAT HAPPEN? – Hear me out, imagine being invited for lunch and when you get there anticipating for some quality time with your person you find their mother or aunt is there, SURPRISE! One could find this to be a good thing and someone else would be pissed. I would be pissed because, WHAT!? Setting timelines might be a bit awkward but then it really helps to know when someone could possibly be ready for a certain move.
BOUNDARIES – what do you want? What don’t you want? What makes you uncomfortable? Your limits? Does your partner know your beliefs and values? Knowing each other’s boundaries means you are both comfortable and you both develop positive self-esteem. Hello, happy couple!
Got to love love. The more I did this relationship thing, I learnt that being with someone is more than just the jitters and butterflies. It is knowing the person, managing their emotions, dealing with their weakness, respecting their boundaries, resolving conflict and still loving them, whilst still loving yourself and not losing yourself in the process. This is why I started this series with a topic on knowing yourself before your potential partner.
This series closes next week with a few tips on what you should leave behind before getting into a new thing. If I were you I would subscribe for control. Listen, I love you! CIAO!
