One day a friend invited me for a Tehn Diamond show, and cause i love that guys music i was like super YES. Note it was also the first days of me getting to know this particular friend. My compass directed me to Book Cafe, excited for years. I walk in boom she has 4 other people at the table, snap!!
So yes I had brought a somebody too. My only issue was she was seated in the middle of two people so i could not get away with the usual wave and then chit chat with her when i sit NEXT to her. ‘You can do this Buhle,you totally can!’ I told myself. So I greeted them all and we got to talking then from nowhere the girl next to me turns her chair around. Hold up, what? And what exactly was that though,like till today i cant quite figure it out!! To me it was instant rejection, in my head i heard her thoughts. Thoughts of rejection, I never for a minute thought of ever giving her a second chance BECAUSE I would never be that RUDE!
Second scenario, a community event. Again I tag along cause well that’s just me, I support those I love. But as always i had to crank myself up for this. First few minutes turned out to be great until those lil groups started forming. Guess who was alone, yes , it was I. I felt myself rage like 0-1000, not at anyone else but at myself for putting myself in this place. What was I thinking? I only knew one person in this whole group, gosh Buhle you don’t ever learn!
Scenario three, big star show. I been preparing for this one show I mean who hasn’t. I almost had a heart attack when I couldn’t find the tickets from just one place. That’s just how much i could not wait!! Enter, enter we arrived with this my friend. Then at the entrance we bumped into her friends, ok that isn’t a bad thing. I mean after all they did come alone. Now let me point this out, I am short sighted and short as well so there is need for me to be strategically positioned wherever I am. Somewhere along the greetings and what not i mention that i want to move forward then this came along ‘these are my friends, I was with them LAST NIGHT I cant just leave them.’ Wait, what? We left home together but now what we do depends on their approval? I couldn’t believe my ears and my anger hit a 1000. Most times I was dancing alone cause well, her friends.#sigh
Years back, I visited a sister of mine at her place. It was my first time going there as she always came to our place for holidays. I land and I was so excited to see Bulawayo, YES!! Day one we leave home and we go to her then boyfriends workplace. They say they will be back in a few and leave.3 hours later they came back all lovey dovey, and she says ‘lets go home.’ So for 3 hours its just been me and many other strangers working, imagine that. I know nothing about Bulawayo so this also meant i was hungry and thirsty, hows that? Day two, repeat day one. Day three, repeat day ONE! At this point I couldn’t do it anymore I WAS DONE! I left the next day and came back home, I was meant to be there all holiday by the way.
From all this I learnt one thing and one thing alone, rejection lurks everywhere. We often wait for a bunch of strangers to hit us with this but its often the people closer. They may never see or know but they do it.I do not do well with any type of rejection because i was raised to accommodate people in my space and never let them feel like they are the lost one. So lets all try to keep people comfortable and not let them feel like they have thrust themselves in a place were they are unwanted. Its important to feel loved and wanted, we all know this.
P.S If possible invite an extra someone to an event that is if it is not strictly by invitation.
Reblogged this on Mcpotar: P.O.E.T.R.Y.
I’d say most people (almost all included) are tuned into a station called WiiFM (What’s In It For Me?)…. People only really care about themselves most of the time because we were made to think of ourselves first. Sometimes people do not even notice it but in order to win on your end it is a good stance to let it be known that you don’t take 2nd hand treatment…. being accomodative is good Buhle but sometimes when we always put others first we teach them that we come 2nd.
I hear you. I guess its a learning curve for not only me but for many others who have been through this.
I know how that feels. I even went so far as to just go by myself,….that way i do not have expectations .If we bump into each each then fine , that good …
Amen to that girl. But actually I cant do ‘alone’ dates, i would rather chill at home with my bottle of wine and tv.
This is the reason why I don’t just go out on any event without knowing who I’m going with. I’d rather go alone if I must. It is better than being rejected later on or left alone to figure things out publicly.
I get extremely anxious when I am invited out, especially to events like braais where I know nobody else other than the person inviting me. And I think most times I find an excuse not to make it cause I just can’t! Going alone to places is a little tricky too, it may remind you how alone you are. meh!