Dear Ex, Current, Future Lover
I am not here for greetings or rather my guilt wants me rush into the apology that I am here to make.
With every inch of my heart I am sorry for the way I have spoken to you as your woman. My tongue knows no boundaries at times and I know I have said so many things that I could never take back. I blamed you for drawing away from me and leaving me lonely yet my words drove you away. You chose to sit back as my words slowly tore your heart apart. I suffocated you with the filth from my mouth. It’s true, words hurt more than any sort of violence because they cannot be erased easily. When you look at me I see that I am dead to you. You do not know how to love me anymore because I have managed to talk down on your every move. My words are so unappreciative. I am sorry.
I am sorry for bruising your ego instead of stroking it. I sharpened my claws daily, I was prepared to prove you less of a man any chance I had. I took your strengths and buried them and exposed your weaknesses to the world. I am so messy, it was not my place. I forgot how you are wired, I forgot my place in all of this. I listened to the wrong people and allowed them to build a manly ego in me. I took your place and competed with you. I am ashamed of myself and of my ways. I have learnt my place. Your ego will never be tempered with again, I promise.
I dethroned you, from the king you are in my life to a servant. I demanded from you instead of asking. The bible told me you are to provide for me and the family and all I heard was you must slave for us. You must hand us our wishes without fail. I heard that you do not deserve awarding for any of your hard work because is your duty. That when you fail to do your part for whatever reason, good or bad, I have every right to chastise you. What a fool I have been, I am sorry my king. I was wrong, this I know now.
For every time that I treated you as a case study, I deserve the worst. I let envy get in the way and so I began to compare you to other men. I began to compare us to other couples. I began to long for what others had yet we had what we needed. I belittled you. I went as far as voicing things you did not do for me in the presence of other men, how dare I? I sat at a table with a glass of wine in my hands taking notes from other women and handed them to you. I tried to change you instead of love you for who you are. I got caught up, I swear you are perfect as you are. Forget my selfish ways. I am sorry.
I am learning to change my ways, I am. Just as you shall improve, I will too. Please don’t give up on me.
Your Ex, Current, Future Lover