This is by far the hardest of all letters to write. It feels like I am saying goodbye all over again, I will never forget the day we lay you to rest, I was only seven years old. I will never understand why you were taken from me, you were my best friend and you will always be. I miss you every day, they say it gets better with time but I am 28 today and I am not sure the pain is any better.
Remember the day you came home tired or was it drunk, or maybe both and we went to lie down outside, watching the birds. You fell asleep and I took a hundred dollars from your wallet and I went on a shopping spree at the club that was near home. Mum was furious and you just looked at me with soft eyes, you were way too calm for a man who had just lost a hundred dollars.
You loved me without question, and I felt your love in every little thing you did, you were forgiving and you gave second chances. I guess I got that from you, I always get in trouble for awarding people chances. I know now that you weren’t perfect, Muriel tells me stories about you and mom. It helps to put the pieces together, I wish I didn’t have to try put pieces together though. That choice isn’t given to us, is it?
All those people that said they would be there for us, the ones that loved you when you were rich, I never met them, Muriel just tells me about them and I learn every time that they never really loved you, they wanted to gain from you. Turns out that is how the world works, its hard to tell who is really there for you now. Our family is equally broken, I don’t know if we will ever fix things, its a shame.
I don’t know what happens when people die, I don’t know if you watching over us or that was it. Just in case you are not Muriel and I are doing fine, we are learning to love one another in our own weird way. After you and mom passed we were separated and that wasn’t good for our relationship. We are getting to know each other, one day at a time. She is in school now, and I think she is going to make a great beautician. If you can please push her a little further because she has mom’s touch when it comes to fashion design, thanks, dad.
You have three amazing granddaughters, I wish you could meet them. They would be spoilt little girls if you were around, I know that. Muriel’s oldest son came to join you, please tell him we miss him and we love him so much.
As for me, I am here taking it all one day at a time. On the days when it gets tough, I sit and wonder what my life would be like if you were here to encourage me, hug me and offer me a space in your home if I needed refuge. I wonder if I would have turned out as less of the mess that I am if you had never left. I wonder if I would have dated all those kings that didn’t need me or would I have known my worth and made better choices.
I don’t know dad, it sucks down here without you. You will never get to see me make it or celebrate my little wins with me. If I get married, you won’t be the one to do dad things, I don’t know what dads do when their daughters are getting married, lol. When I become the best selling author, you won’t be here to cry with me then drink in celebration to that big win.
Death robbed me, and I have to accept it. I guess you can tell how much I miss you. I love you, dad.
Rest in Eternal Peace
Lots of love, your daughter