Dear John

If you are reading this I want you to know that I laughed before I started writing this letter. I laughed harder than you could ever imagine at the fact that you played yourself! Yes sir, you did!

See I know what you thought you were doing by not calling. You thought you were showing power Mr Cool guy. You wanted me to yearn for your call so badly that I would look for you again and ask you why you never called. You were waiting for the opportunity to say, ‘I am sorry baby, I got busy, you know how it is in the streets. I need to make this money if I am going to take care of you.’

You thought I would melt, feel bad for being upset and apologize to you. You poor thing! Your games were childish and quite frankly that’s what we are not doing at this big age. I wasn’t looking to be taken care of anyway, cause I got me. People had told me about you, how narcissistic you were and I thought they just hated that you had your life ‘together.’ Later when I replayed the conversations we had that night, all of them were about you. When your friends stepped up, you reminded then who you were, the money you had and what you could do. It was cute, until it wasn’t.


I saw the shock that hit you when I walked right past you, when I looked past you and didn’t flinch one bit. It was a new feeling wasn’t it? You tried to keep your cool but it hurt you that I wasn’t hurt by you. How twisted is that? Your worth depended on everybody else but you. The women that played your game cried later, because you broke them for what we call clout today.

When you didn’t call, I questioned my worth. I wondered what was wrong with me, if I was a joke to you. I went down a road that was filled with thorns and I kept throwing myself into them. I bled for a man I barely knew. A man that barely knew me! I want to say I was young and stupid, I want to say I too wanted to be next to you in pictures so people thought I had game but it’s all a lie. I was infatuated by you. I wanted you to want me too, I am glad you didn’t.

You taught me that I was never the problem, you were and I didn’t need problems. You made me realize that my worth wasn’t measured by a phone call from a man. I didn’t need your validation, I needed mine. So I got up, treated the self inflicted wounds and by the time you saw me again I was brand new. I was the mother of beauty and I needed someone who saw it. So thank you for being you.

P.S Don’t call me when you read this.


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