Dear John

I want to tell you what your problem was right away but I am not sure if that is the kind thing to do. Let me start off by saying, I am not sorry that I zoned you. Given the chance today, I would probably do it again with no hesitation. There is so much about women you haven’t figured out and you are way too forward with everything, you need to learn to calm down.

First of all, if someone is being kind to you it does not mean they are in love with you. Normal people actually take the time to know someone before they decide they are in love but with you, two days into a conversation and you are seeing a wedding and children. I mean that is usually a woman’s thing to do but you will be way ahead of her.

It is very worrying because I imagine you do not speak to one woman at a time, so do you fall in love with all of them? If that is the case then it is a major yikes! The pressure to get married is going to drive you to insanity if you are not careful. Your ability to hop, skip and jump from being in love with this person and then that one is hectic.

The other thing that put me off is how you don’t know how to have a conversation. How are you going to call someone for hours and all they can get in is two words? You literally can go for 30 minutes straight talking about yourself, the things you have been through, the things you have achieved and be unbothered about the other person. It always felt like a therapy session and God knows I needed therapy myself, so that wasn’t a role I was willing to play. This one time my mother thought I was on hold because I was just lying on her couch, with the phone against my ear in silence.

The other time I tried to be a part of the conversation and share my experience but my word, that was useless. It became about you, someone please make it make sense! If you have been zoned lately I promise you this is one of the top two reasons why. You need to learn to have a conversation with someone outside of yourself, you will not die.

Lastly, stop hallucinating relationships. You started telling people we were a couple and I was not aware of the relationship you spoke about. Two conversations in and somehow we were in a relationship, c’mon John! Do you know how weird it is when someone looks shocked about being in a relationship with someone? It is most humiliating for the one going around claiming a relationship, my word.

We live In a small world, and I have spoken to a few people who have said you did the same with them. Stop it, its not cute.

Love

uBu