Dear John

I truly wonder where you are now, how things are going for you if you are truly happy. I wonder if you think about me at all if you regret the way you went about things. On some days I want to look you up and ask you these questions then I realize you do not deserve my energy at all. You are probably out there thinking that I hate you, I don’t, you just happened to be a thorny path that I encountered.

I was very angry in the moment, I cursed you and well so much more happened in my head. I am so glad people can not read minds because you died in the most painful way in my head and if we are being completely honest you deserved it. I regretted smiling back at you and thinking somehow you were a decent human being. Of course, the streets had so much to say about you and I was just that girl that chose to ignore them and trusted you. I wanted you to help me prove them wrong, boy was I wrong.

You knew the streets were loud so you excused the rumours from the moment we sat down for those drinks. You were such a smooth talker and I loved that about you, Nah, I was an idiot for that. Please show me a rapper who isn’t a smooth talker, it is a part of you. You smiled with your eyes, and I was hypnotized little did I know you were on a hunt and a bet. That has to be a low even for you, and I walk away today glad that you lost that bet.

But you did win in a sense, you spent my money like it was yours. You told painful stories to tug at my heart and because I thought we had something going I believed you. I put you before myself, your needs always seemed more important and I was never hesitant. Man, you were just a broke one-hit-wonder looking to be taken care of. I didn’t see it until I was done with you, you were so comfortable in that setting too, very disappointing. I walked out of that little relationship broker than I walked in, with nothing to my name but shame and disgust.

You told people I was not your girl too, that I was just another girl who wouldn’t take no for an answer and so you decided against breaking my heart. Me? A whole me who can barely beg for anything even if it means I might die, begging for you? The nerve sweety, the nerve! I do hope you are doing alright, I hope you found your footing and learnt how to love too. What you did to me was wrong but it showed me how broken and weak you are too.

I wish you the very best in this thing we call life.



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