Dear John

If a human being has ever made me feel so small for a moment it was you. I hated you for a season for the way you handled things between us. I met you at a church camp, I was minding my business and then by God’s grace (please read that with a tablespoon of sarcasm) we were placed in the same team. As if that was not enough, we were made leaders of the team so now we were forced to work hand in hand.

Prior to the camp, I didn’t know you. I had not noticed you at all at the many visits I did at the Center. So I did not think anything about being paired with you, I found to be very intimidating in the beginning. I did what I do best, kept to myself but you wouldn’t let me be. So you nudged me out of my shell one meeting at a time, when we had to go for leaders meetings you would go the extra mile and make it feel like a ‘get to know me session.’

I loosened up, dammit I shouldn’t have! I remember one night you brought me a cup of hot chocolate, said I could tell I was called, if anybody knows me they know the way to my heart is through food! It was cute and I think I smiled a whole lot harder than I should have. Every night after the evening sermon you would walk me to my dorm, then say good night. I don’t know if I picked up the wrong signal but all I was getting was, ‘I am feeling you girl.’ Even my friends saw it too, are you saying a total of 4 girls imagined this was happening?

If you are new here, this is my book! Please take a look at it.

Maybe you got excited about how the pastor’s kept nudging at how the camp was the place to find your wife or whatever. I was the duff out of all my friends so believe me when I say I came in with the hope to sing in the choir and go back home. I was not looking to be found until you found me, then I thought, ‘heeeey look what the duff did!’ I blame Major for placing me in the spotlight by pairing me to be a team leader with you. Yah, he gets a piece of the blame too!

Fast forward to us being back home, you called me daily for a full week. I should have you know that my mother is grateful for you because she made money off me that week, I was always buying airtime from her. It was awesome until you signed off a message with, ‘good night friend.’ Blood of Jesus! What in the hell was this? What was happening?

Oh I know, you had miraculously found someone else in the church who aligned with your brand. So turns out God had given you a false alarm at camp. I would have loved to be your friend, but those two weeks were intense so I closed the door and chained it. I hated how people kept asking me what happened, I was so angry!

I have let it go now and I hope you are happy. Last I heard you were married but it wasn’t to the girl you zoned me for. I truly hope you are happy and less of a workaholic too.



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