Dear John

I was deep in the trenches, I was falling apart. Nothing was making sense in my life and with each day my confidence was dying. I did not see myself as an important part of the story, I was over it all. You saw something in me and you wouldn’t allow me to give up. You are yet to tell me what it is you saw because you worked hard to pull me back up. I want to know if I have passed the test or not.

I remember side-eyeing you because of course men rarely do things for you just for just, so maybe you are yet to send the invoice. You once said to me, ‘I want to fight whoever left you believing that you are not enough because they were wrong.’ I laughed at you because then that meant you needed to fight most of my family, but now I realize you were dead serious.

I also realize you chose to fight them differently, you chose to help me believe in myself again. So on days when all I had were negative things to say about myself, you reminded me that I wasn’t that person, that I was internalizing other people’s opinions. On days when I saw darkness ahead, you saw light and I would get so angry because I wanted you to agree with me. I wanted you to drown in my sorrow with me, not pull me out.

There is a window you opened for me that I doubt I would have ever opened, I was so focused on feeling sorry for myself. When the man I was with tried to cage me, mute me, tame me, you were on the other side pulling me out. Day by day I realized that I had lost myself, I had forgotten how powerful I am, how determined I have always been. I had allowed another human being to define me and how far I could go, what a shame.

Dark times come and go but sometimes it takes another time for them to go away and you were that person. The perfect stranger if I should say, so today I would like to say thank you so much for being stubborn. Thank you for ignoring me when I told you to leave me alone, when I told you that you didn’t know what you were talking about, for waging through my tantrums and outbursts. Thank you for being rude when you were, I probably needed the rude awakening.

You held my hand when nobody else could see that I needed it. You are still the annoying human in my life that is constantly pushing me off the edge, it has been worth it every single time. I am grateful for it too until I fall and break my teeth, you have had a good call each time.

Thank you for holding my hand.



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