Dear John

I really thought you were my final stop. I saw us going far, today I could be your wife but you decided otherwise. The experience that was our relationship is one I quite enjoyed, except that we were so deep into christianity and that robbed us of more fun times.

I laugh when I think of the fact that you lied to me about your drinking habits. I guess you thought it made you a better candidate and it pushed you out of the judgement seat. You didn’t see that I was not the type of girl to judge. I can not remember if we dated in the year that I had let go of alcohol, should have been. What a dark time in my life, I had also given up secular music because as a church leader, I needed to lead by example. The absolute ghetto!

My friends, who aren’t my friends anymore, also saw us going far. They said I had changed you in a good way, and that made me smile. Do you remember the time I was leading praise, you were on the keyboard and you messed up? You claimed you were watching me and lost your concentration. The band members wouldn’t let it go.

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My mother loved you, she found you to be grounded and sweet. She too saw us going far so when things went sour she watched me fall apart whilst she broke too. I mean when we broke my entire family had to break up with you too. What a painful process it was and it did not help that I still had to see you at church on Monday, Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday. i hated answering the questions too, that was the worst because everyone wanted to understand where it all went wrong.

I want to say we were young but nah we were grown. You just had a lot going on and I guess you weren’t sure how to handle it all. I became the easier thing to just turn away from. I remember how you ignored me, you would be online and not reply my messages. I would call and you would not pick up, when you did you were so cold. I knew it was all over, you knew how to push me away and you went in full force until I could not hold on any longer.

Today we talk, we are very good friends despite how things went in the past. I value our friendship, it is pure and true. Maybe we were mean to be nothing more than friends? You are one of the few people in my life I trust with delicate information, and you are always brutally honest too, always have been. Before I left Zim we hung out a lot and we had a lot of fun, I miss those days so badly. We got drunk together, we went to events and danced like our legs would never know pain.

Best dad in the world, you will always be a fave.



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