I stepped into your shoes just for a lil while, took my mind on a ride and I hit a mile. Actions of another have led you thus far. You stand in a position were you can not reverse the situation because someone hit the fast forward button for you. So you choose to be strong about it yet daily you die on the inside. You smile through your days and cry the whole night through. Strong and courageous they say you are. Humble and down to earth they think you are, only because you act it. Deep down you are angry with the world. You are angry with mother nature for choosing to punish you so unjustly. If you could have a talk with her all you would do is cuss at her so badly. You would let her know how ugly she is and how her heart is made out of stones and painted in charcoal.
If you were to meet God face to face you only have the strength to ask ‘why?’ Cause honestly you want to know why this life chose this for you. You want to know how it is that you name was set next to this misfortune. You just want to know why. Somehow it feels like when you get the answer to that all is well. You will be satisfied and be able to take you life and love it so dearly. Just one question, a 3 lettered word that NOBODY has managed to answer for you thus far. Who will?
Who will tell you why you have to suffer the effects that your mother and father seeded. Their promiscuity or bad choices have led you thus far. Your mother brewed you with a deadly disease with no cure. Born to it and living with it. You never got an apology for it because well you have to be grateful that she gave you life. You can not question because that’s just rude, so shut up and take your medication when need be. But you want to get married too, who will love you with a disease. Who will believe that it was from birth and that you never were promiscuous? Who out there will do such a thing?
Now you have a choice to make, either you will love you and keep to yourself or you will anger and take it out on the world. Life for you has never been easy. Symptoms have come and go and the world has had much to say. Throughout school you were ‘that kid.’ Nobody really loved you or accepted you. Born with HIV/AIDS, destined for the AID.
From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry. I will never know what it is like for you, I can only imagine this but I just want to say I am sorry. Many things we cant change or get answers to and for that I am sorry. They never gave you a choice to mess up on your own, they went ahead of you, I am sorry. You have no way out and I am truly truly sorry. Nothing I say will fix it but just know that I am praying for you and I am very sorry.
Wow…this is deep,the reality for some. Really good B.