Let’s Talk Sex & Self-care With uBu & Ellen

by | Apr 22, 2020 | Love, Sex & Relationships | 0 comments

Sex is sex, right? You want it, you go get it and you move. That is how it has always been for most people and it still is. But we need to stop addressing sex as just sex because there is more to than just that. And I am not about to go ham on you about soul ties because, wow! I did write on soul ties and you can read about that here.

What I will talk about however is your mental health. Yes, I am going there. You get to define what sex means to you, what it is for you, nobody else. And I think this especially goes for the women, sex was not designed for men only but for us as well. So of all definitions, you can pick for yourself do not pick the one that says that is how you will honor a man. Stop it.

I will get back to mental health in a minute but let me just address the women. Listen up, the reason why sex feels like a chore is because of that mentality we continue to wear that sex is for the man, it is for you too. Take back the ownership, set the boundaries, and get yours.

If you are a virgin and want to have sex wipe away the mentality that you are giving your virginity away for love, this is why we walk around feeling broken because ‘WE GAVE HIM OUR PRICELESS POSSESSION.’ So now we walk around feeling entitled to their love and demanding they never forget us, honey you are forgotten so now what? Have sex for yourself, because you want the pleasure because you want to explore and be explored. FOR YOU!

Back to mental health:

  1. Sex helps reduces anxiety and depression. The hormones that are released during sex help boost your mood and increase compassion.
  2. It counts as exercise, bam! Did you know that men burn about 100 calories during sex, whilst women burn about 69 (I chuckled) calories? Exercise is great for a lot of things including your mental health.
  3. Sexercise and masturbation help you sleep. How you may ask? Besides you being exhausted from the activity a hormone called prolactin is released which helps you relax and sleep easier.
  4. The Christian Grey of doing things is said to be good for your well being. So get your BDSM on because you know, it’s important!

I couldn’t convince you on this alone so of course, I pulled someone to add onto this subject. Here is what Ellen Mubwanda had to say:

Self-care and sexual health

Oh boy, my sexual health journey has evolved so much it’s insane. After losing my Dad in 2016, my life came to a hard screech stop. My sexual activities heightened because I wasn’t ready to face the pain. Thankfully I was still in college so I had a lot of male resources! This kept me busy for a while till the point where I felt empty and frankly, exhausted. I was clearly insatiable and the pain had begun to eat bits of me alive, instead.

This was in the form of depression and my body was literally falling apart. New ailments were popping up at every point, none of them sex-related, only stress-related. That’s when I slowly turned to spirituality and with it came along the love. This helped me to figure out the voids I now had and exactly how I felt about them. In turn, I learned a lot about my body such as how much damage I had rendered it along with what I could start doing to heal.

Love sex and practices that show my love to my sexual organs both mentally and physically became law. As complex as this sounds it’s pretty quite simple. Things like buying that lingerie I love, that yummy coconut body moisturizer and sitting in a tub of diluted apple cider vinegar are a part of it.

Sexually, it means cutting off casual sex and sometimes saying no to a quickie. Stuff is added to the list or removed but I’ve found growth, self-love, and tenderness that I give out too to others in form of my Youtube channel or an intimate conversation over lavender herbal tea 🙂


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