I can totally explain! So, I was dating this really fine guy, Scott, and he had his own apartment and so I would visit often. His place became my escape for a while and at times he would leave me there if he wanted to go hang with the boys. I did not mind, as long as I was left with food, a bed and good movies to watch. We had been together for about two months but was still walking on egg shells around him so there are things I did not do around him.
When I think back on it now, I realize how silly that was. I mean if he loved me, he would have taken all of me in right? Well nobody had told me that thats how love goes, as far as I was concerned I was meant to be his perfect little girl. I was meant to be the human who takes him away from his own reality so farting in his presence was not part of that package. There are so many things I would shy away from doing, which probably made me seem boring. Guys I would not even order a burger cause I was afraid I would just be a mess n front of him. That time he would order it and go messy and laugh it off.
Anyway, so this one time I was over for the weekend and this time around we were indoors. Other times we would head out which would allow me the chance to take a poop at the mall or the restaurant. But a whole weekend indoors meant bathroom breaks were within the building, I started affirming my body, reminding it that this particular weekend there was no pooping to be done. There was no way it was going to disappoint me during my boyfriend, no ways. The weekend was filled with good food, cuddles, sex and movies. I was having the time of my life until…
Until my body reminded me that affirmations aren’t miracle workers, they do not stop your body from doing what it wants and needs to do. I headed for the bathroom and decided I would lace the bowl with detergent so that the smell would be masked. Smart idea, right? I sat down to do my business. I felt like a genius until I flashed and I had a floaty. Now I was standing there wondering what my next move would be. A normal person would just wait for the tank to fill up and then flash again but not Nobuhle. Why would I choose to embarrass myself like that?
Now I was in there panicking hard and scolding myself for pooping, to begin with. This is so silly, I am laughing at myself right now. So lo and behold there sat a plastic bag in one of the drawers, another great idea came to mind. Use the plastic to scoop the floaty! I felt smart until I asked myself what I would do with it. Where would I put it, the bin was not an option and neither was my handbag so what was I going to do? And then I realized there was a window, the beauty of architecture! I grabbed the plastic, scooped the floaty, tied up the plastic and dropped it from the thrid floor.
My hands felt gross so I double washed them with soap, a brush and a towel. I walked out with a smile and all he said was, ‘signs I am feeding you well huh.’ We laughed and back into cuddles I went. The end!
Ok, so after reading this do you believe that I am capable of this? Comment below!