“Hey, I am a narcissist. Wanna be with me?” Hell will freeze over before we hear a narcissist say such words. But then again I guess as humans we do not have that ability to just come out and admit to what we are. It is easier to defend ourselves, but here is a fun fact, the earlier you pick up on these things the better.
Once upon a time I met this guy, we will call him Mark. I was young and looks were enough for me to say I was in love. He was that guy who would walk into a room and every girl would fix their lipstick, pull the skirt up a little and wear a wide smile. For whatever reason I caught his attention and we started chilling. Listen, I couldn’t do it. I could start a conversation about water and somehow it would end up being about him. Something would upset me and before I knew it I would be comforting him. What?
Because I was young I made that out to be a guy thing until I started looking closely at women too and listening to stories guys told. Then I learnt this could fall on anyone. I decided to look closely into this trait, mostly cause I like things ladies and gentlemen.
The environment that one grew up in plays a big role. There are two extremes that cause this, too much attention given to the individual as they were growing up. They become accustomed to having the spotlight on them and once that changes, they snap. Parents sometimes praise their children’s physical appearance to cover up their own self-esteem issues. They do not realize the damage it could cause later in life for their child. You will find that these people love to be admired and praised constantly, many will mistake it for a lack of confidence.
Excessive criticism is another cause, you know how your every move, failure, and achievement is laid on the table and dissected for days on end? It creates a sense of feeling alone and being dependant on oneself. The individual becomes very focused on proving a point all on their own in the hope that they will never be criticized ever again. They may also turn out to be very intimidating and you may find that they enjoy belittling other people. This makes them feel like they are better than anyone else.
Trauma, the behavior that a narcissist portrays is a result of trying to cover up or forget their traumatic experience. Whilst it is important to tell ourselves that we are important, a narcissist feels they are more important because they survived something traumatic. Abuse also falls in this bracket, whether it is physical, mental, or verbal. Victims of abuse tend to love power, so they will remind you how they are better than you and that they hold an important role in your life.
SIGNS OF NARCISSISM
- Exploits other individuals without guilt or shame.
- Demeans, intimidates, belittles and bullies other people.
- The need for constant praise and admiration.
- They have a strong sense of entitlement.
- Sense of self-importance.
Having a narcissist in your life can be very draining, they will work on your self-esteem and leave you feeling like you are not worth much without them in your life. You may find yourself constantly battling with depression. As you all know, I am an advocate for putting yourself first and it will be no different today.
You are not a superhero, the change that this persons needs doesn’t come from your love, they wouldn’t see true love if it was sitting in front of them. Their version of love is one where they are more important, where they call the shots, where they get the attention and the words of affirmation. They take and never give UNLESS they are benefitting too.
They are their own superhero, they will have to choose to deal with their internal turmoil. So it is okay to leave, they will make you feel guilty for choosing yourself, they will use their past against you but walk. You deserve a fair and true love. I hope you are walking. I love you. CIAO!