The reality that is the hurt, anger and hatred that lives amongst christians and church members. There is a tug of war which lives and can not be avoided for one reason or another. We are said to be Christ-like, where have you found Christ taking your joy from you? Surely we have a long way to go, we speak…

One day I was in a taxi and my heart yearned for worship, out of the blue. This is when an idea to have a worship night bloomed in me, so Sunday I discussed it with the youth leader and we immediately set dates and took the idea to the man of God. It was approved, yay! We built a team and began practice, this event was a youth by the youth and led by the youth. As we communicated with the man of God on further developments, he suggested we give the main choir a time slot. Not a problem, after all it is the choir. On the very same day this suggestion as laid down, the man of God announced about the worship night for the first time in church, whoop whoop the ball is rolling. So after the service I approached the choir leader to let him know that we had set a slot for them. My Faaddaaa!

All hell broke loose, I stood there as this person simply yelled at me. Not for a moment did they wait to hear what I had to say, not once did they ask me a question to clarify anything. I paraphrase but this was said, ‘ It is wrong for you to take it to Pastor before you bring it to me. I am the leader of the music ministry, now you need my help, what happens if I say I do not want. I have the power to do that. This is the third time this has happened, you people may not respect me and that is fine as long as my choir respects me. Even my choir was surprised to hear that this was going on. This is what we speak of in the meetings when we say we don’t love one another, it is because of things like this. You are wrong for it.’

After this speech, he walked away. I was left both angry and amused at the fact that a leader would do that. Let me point out a few things here, firstly I have been present in the church for about a year and in this year not once has the youth held an event. With those calculations you will know that I was not present for the other similar incidents, why I am being dragged for them, I do not know. Secondly, how is it that taking an idea to the man of God before him is wrong? This vexed me to the last core. Also does the fact that we included them as per Pastor’s word mean we do not love them?

This would have been avoided if one question was asked instead of one assuming and fuming at me for other people’s wrongs. What made this worse is I am a person who does not do well with being corrected or yelled at in public. I do not know if that comes with me being an introvert, part of the package I guess. People kept stopping to listen and try figure out what was going on and I felt every inch of me rage, I felt so helpless. I shut my mouth because I knew I would end up doing more damage than necessary, from time to time my tongue loses control and slurps out insults. It also upset me because I was made a fool by someone who had no facts, till now it upsets me.

I have spoken to many people who have said they chose to no longer be a part of a church because of a leader or leaders that treated them wrong. They failed to understand how it is that a person from church could be so evil to them, it felt pointless to be in a church where it seemed as though people were just breaking each other more instead of building each other. This leader spoke to me on love but did not speak to me in love, so if I am of no love what difference does it make? If I am wrong and they join me in being wrong, where is the solution? I have heard people hide behind the phrase, ‘only the sick go to the hospital,’ making the congregation a bunch of patients and the church a hospital. Yes we are broken, there is no hiding that but I do feel like when you are given a certain role to play, work on yourself so as to set an example for those following behind you.

I am a youth who has been treated with zero love by a leader who is way older than me, what am I to take of that? I have realised that there is a stigma in the church that has people believe that being loud and rough will have people respect you. No, that has people avoiding coming near you because they just know you as a loud mouth. The famous scripture on the power of words seems to only apply when we speak of riches and success. Why does it not apply when it comes to addressing the next person, we are out here killing one another daily, what good is that? People do not realise that when you say things, you can’t take them back. Words have a way of replaying in one’s head and creating a dark or light corner. It is a reality we can’t run away from. Speaking for myself, if your words hurt me I do not forget them, ever. I may forgive you but I will not forget what you are capable of, I stay clear of you.

I have experienced it more than once and I guess I should be used to it by now but I cannot seem to get used to the idea of being mistreated in the house of God. Forget the house of God, but being mistreated by a leader who claims to have leadership qualities, I think not. The worst part about this happening in a church is that you will never get an apology instead we are meant to pray it off and still like this person. We are still meant to show them the respect that they did not earn. It is hard isn’t it.

In conclusion I do not blame the people that have decided to worship and praise God from home. It is not an easy path to walk, I was ready to give up all because of a 2 minute rage I’m the boss speech. What I do know is that this is the first and last time I am organizing an event in the church, I will choose to protect my peace with all of me. As is I cannot wait for the 7th of Dec to come and go, I need to close this door immediately. Wish me luck, the coming weeks are promising to be stressful. Ciao!

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