What an entitled human being I was back then, my word. Ok, let me address these issues one at a time but for context, you are going to need to read this blog post right here. Ok, open in a new tab and come back here. Here we go.
First and foremost, I am willing to bet that I never met anyone that way, such a fictitious intro that was. Secondly, you can tell that I had no life of my own outside of other people. Why did I feel so entitled to someone else’s time like that? Why did I not have the will to explore life on my own and enjoy my own company? When I read that post it felt like my aspiration in life was to be with a man and be about him 24/7. It would be great to blame it on many other people, for example, the parenting, society, friends but nope that was all me. I encourage you to learn to enjoy your own company, to sit with your own thoughts and laugh at your own jokes. I promise you it is life-changing!
There is a part of me that did not understand what it meant to be in a relationship with someone. Does it entail spending time together? Yes. Does it come with tonnes of communication? Uhm yeah! Does it erase the other person’s routines, friends, and hobbies? No. The existence of a relationship or a bond does not magically erase individuality. Today I understand the importance of holding onto the things I love for myself. Ice cream dates, trying a new restaurant or a new activity, I can do that on my own and it is such an important part of me. Keeping your little rituals and adventures that you do on your own is important, there is no need for you to lose yourself in the other person.
Many of us make the mistake of wanting to blend each and every part of our lives with the person we are with and that is exhausting. You both should be able to live your lives together and live them apart too. In the old post, I talk about how this guy was always out with his friends, I doubt it was ALWAYS the case. I just did not have a life. My aunt once said that to me, it was just her and I at home for Christmas that year. That morning she had said we would do lunch at Nandos and I was excited so I got ready. But she had changed her mind and boy was I upset. She told me I needed to get a life of my own and stop inserting myself into hers. She eventually dressed up and we left but it was tense, nothing was fun about that lunch. Hectic!
Whilst owning your rituals is great, be sure to set the boundaries too. If your Sundays are for yourself and whatever you do on that day then let it be known right at the beginning. Once those are in place, nobody is going to overstep and it will make planning dates easier. If there are activities you feel you want to hold onto for yourself for a while before letting them in, talk about it. And I find that this is important because if things go sour there are things you do not want to be attached to that pain. So yep, be selfish about those things if you want. They may have something they feel the same way about too.
My final point on this is that time for the two of you is just that, time for the two of you. Neither of you should be bringing in a third party on those dates. I did date someone who was always with his boys, different from the one in the post above by the way. And he would always call me over and I would be stuck talking to three or four boys at the same time. There was no privacy and I have no idea what I thought would happen with that little love of ours when he never prioritized us. And I was the understanding little girlfriend so I chose gratitude instead of highlighting that it bothered me. Yikes! We are too grown for that, there needs to be respect and bonding time is important.
In conclusion, do not suffocate the other person or stay where you feel suffocated. If you find yourself in a place where you are cornered, if you feel the person is overbearing then they probably are. Your life is meant to be filled with many fountains of happiness and they can never be poured out from one cup. Love is beautiful, it helps you bloom, and it encourages your growth. With that said tread carefully in these streets because mjolo-dating is the real pandemic. I am wishing you love and light through it all my lovelies. CIAO!