Ever known a love that breaks you down daily but still feels right? It’s beautiful and tragic at the same time.
This person tells you they love you so bad. They promise you the world you have forever dreamed of. The picture they paint is just like the one you painted in your head for years but kept it in your heart. Now the jitters of it coming to life leave you hopelessly in love with the ‘right one.’
The ‘right one’ that will look you in the eye and tell you nothing you do will ever succeed. The ‘right one’ that will tell you the reason you are were you are is them and so alone you are worthless. The ‘right one’ that will leave you lonely on a daily but come back and give you the warmest hug. The ‘ right one’ that will beat you down and pick you up and kiss you. The ‘right one’ that wont respect your relatives or your parents. The ‘right one’ that has business trips scheduled for weeks outside the country but is seen around. The ‘right one’ that will not forget his boys night out dates but will forget every important occasion in your life. The ‘right one’ that cheats and says it was nothing.
Where exactly is it right? How do we bring ourselves to shove this at the back of our heads and still stay. We act like these things don’t matter yet they do. How can it be that the statement ‘I love you,’ erases the hurt and pain? Where does the hope that it will change come from? Are we really just afraid that we wont ever find another that will dish out the dream the way it has been dished out by the current one. Or do we really believe that we are worthless without this one person, low self esteem. Is it that we are ashamed that our friends and family that are not aware of all this will laugh and ridicule us. Ashamed that the fairy tale we pretended to be living in never was. I cant seem to figure it out.
But you know what i think.. I think the shame is better than the hurt because that will fade with time. The pain however stays forever and kills us on the inside. I say let the humiliation hit a season as i learn to gain my joy back. I say fight the fear and and prove that you are your own person, beautiful and strong. I say let the friends laugh, that means they too got to go anyway. Let the family ridicule but what goes around comes around. Face depression alone and God will lend a hand, when you rise nothing will defeat you.
Wrong will always feel right and right will feel wrong,you know why? Cause right is harder than wrong.