……let me go to sleep with tears on my cheeks.

……looked at me and saw ugly.

……looked me in the eye and told me that my dreams were mediocre.

……allowed me to give up on what I loved.

…… allowed a night to go by without talking to me.

……let me go without a new set of clothing to cover up my beautiful body.

……abandoned me for anyone else because you only knew to love me.

……broken my heart because in your eyes it was priced possession.

……put the luxuries of this world before me, I was your number one.

……for a second entertained the thought that my dreams didn’t matter.

And so i wonder why it is that the Lord saw it fit to snatch you from me. I also wonder if I could be in different place right now. I wonder if my joy would be beyond the word joy if I could have just one more conversation with you, one that I could at least remember  forever because right now I have images  in my head more than words.

Images of us lying on lawn and laughing and I have no idea what we were laughing about. Images of you lifting me and spinning me around. I have images of you being my hero on days I needed one. Images of you wiping my tears.Images of you walking and me running so I could catch up because ‘stride,’ you loved doing this to me.

Today all I have are memories and a sibling. Today I cry and wish you could still wipe my tears. Today I wish you could hug me and tell me I am going to be ok. Today I wish you could be here to carry me through his thing called life. Today I wish you could help me build my dreams, see me through it and tell me you proud of me. Today I wish I could have you around on my wedding day and have you hand me over. Today I wish you could have had the chance to see just one of your grandchildren, your first daughter has 3.

I feel like they lied to me when they family will always stand in because sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. I pray and God is my only hope. Without you life ain’t never been the same. You would think  by now I would have been healed from the pain of losing you but the wound is as fresh as ever. Always feels like its been just but an hour since I said goodbye to you. I constantly feel like I don’t belong, I have no place here.

They also say I should grow up, I am trying but not everyone knows the pain within me. Nobody will ever know what I have really been through, they see the little strength you left in me and they think I am ok. I guess above all things I just wish you were still here daddy.

If you had  choice you would have never left….

I love you daddy.. I miss you.. I think of you daily.. I wont ever forget you..

Your lil girl

B