This was a very tricky topic to tackle because I mean we have normalized the saying, ‘fake it till you make it.’ I listened in on a radio show a few months back, it was Tech Thursdays on Heart and Soul radio (catch them every Thursday between 3-4 pm), they had a guest that day. So they got round to talking about getting attention from big clients and the guest said something interesting.
He said, ‘For those people to take you seriously then you need to fake it. Look the part, look like a rich kid, wear a good suit, have an expensive phone and a shoe that catches attention. When you sit in the office then place your expensive phone on the table, by the time you start speaking they would have given you a yes already because you look the part. You match the brand.’
Of course he closed it off with, fake it till you make it. So are we saying actual confidence won’t give us the same results? I mean if you can fake it then you know how to be it, because it means you know what confidence looks like on you. What then leads us to act it out instead of just working towards just living it.
I researched on this topic and so many blogs from motivational speakers were for the notion of faking your confidence. They say when you fake it for long enough it becomes real. Might as well buy fake diamonds maybe with time they will become real, I kid! Listen, people who live life in real confidence can pick up on your fake self, and these are very same people you want a yes from. One tends to over compensate when they are faking it and at some point it comes off as arrogant. Guess who is not winning?
One thing I recommend you do to begin the journey of becoming confident is affirming yourself. The reason why you fail to tap into your confidence is most probably because you have never been affirmed before. You did not get the well done you deserved. I learned this about myself at a later stage, when I was younger my father figure was big on academic merits. All the merits I ever received were outside of academics, the one time I received a public speaking award I got nothing from him, not a single word.
I wanted his approval so bad that my creativity did not allow me to get and I started to believe that I was not good at what I do. I came top of my class when I studied design and he said that was mediocre. Talk about slaying my confidence to death. When I was around creative people I would go mute and never speak, what could I possibly say to contribute to this industry that would add value? For a long time I was just a spectator with a voice muffled by my father figure.
I tried to continue to do what I loved but it was never its best quality because I questioned myself a lot. Often wondered if I was good enough. I started to affirm myself daily, I wrote down my affirmations and every morning I would read them to myself and add one to the list. This feeds into your soul, you believe the truth and it lives in you. The moment you believe in yourself and what you can do, the confidence oozes and it happens naturally.
I say gain your confidence, do not fake it. That will do you more harm than good, we will be picking up this conversation on twitter so go ahead and follow me @becomingubu . Let me hear your point of view. CIAO!