February was designated the month of love and it’s always pretty hectic for many. For some it reminds them how single they are, and that realization may turn into thoughts such as, ‘I am unwanted.’ I hope those thoughts disappear as fast as they came around! Some have the pressure to impress, but no for loved ones. It’s for the gram, uh huh, we know y’all too. Forgetting to embrace the moment, to love on your person and choosing to make the rest of the world sbwl from behind our screens. Ok, then what!? Rethink your lives for a minute.
And then there are those that really celebrate their love, love for themselves, love for their partners, love for their family and friends. They take the time out to express themselves and spend quality time together. Each gift will be well thought out too. And that, that’s what I am here for, love that doesn’t need to be explained. It can be seen.
I made a decision in the month of love, I decided I never want to find myself in a relationship that is built around struggle. I don’t want to have a love where the love itself is a struggle, love that has me anxious at every minute of the day because I don’t know what it holds for me. A love that makes me feel like I am begging to be loved in my love language, I don’t want to have to give a masterclass on what makes me feel loved every two weeks.
I want a love that still argues with love. Not a love that hits below the belt only to say, ‘I was angry.’ You said what you said and quite frankly you meant it, now your words are stuck with me and won’t leave, so now what? I want a love that I don’t have to question. Is it real? Will it last? Am I happy? That last question, I don’t ever want to ask it.
I realise I have been in such a rush to find the love that is kind, warm, giving, present and that’s why I have compromised one too many times. I have made excuses for people who didn’t quite want to be with me, didn’t want to put in the effort that I was putting and in the end I have been hurt. I have been ok with second place because “it’s better than nothing” but, I deserve first place. What was I thinking?
I have no control over how people will treat me, but I sure have control over who I keep around. I vow to do better, to choose green flags over red ones. To choose my happiness over a fantasy that I create in my head. To choose reality over wishes. I don’t know when this love will come, but until then, we wait. I hope you too choose a love that is present,kind, warm and true to you because you deserve it. Don’t rush! Cheers.