Being in the same room with someone whilst you work away does not make for quality time. That is just existing in the same room, sharing oxygen and nothing else. We are talking about phones off, the world shut out, undivided attention over here. That is what your partner needs, so when he or she says ‘you do not have time for me, you do not spend any time with me,’ they are asking that you be present when you are spending time together.
The digital life we live has really taken away the ability to do this. We want to tweet about the date, we want to snap pictures for the gram because people must know where you are, what you are wearing, what you are eating and drinking. I mean pictures hold memories but there is a time for that. Put your phone away and look into your person’s eyes, have a conversation and share a laugh. That is all they really need from you.
Dr Chapman mentions the issue of the dead sea vs the babbling brook in his book. The dead sea is someone who can do without talking, they will be happy. They could have a long drive with someone in the car with them and they will not say a word, they are ok in their own living in their mind. Then the babbling brook talks about anything and everything, they want to share their daily experiences. If they see something they will go as far as calling to tell the other person.
He says that what often happens is that the dead sea will date a babbling brook, it takes away the ‘burden,’ of striking conversation for the dead sea. And in the beginning the babbling brook loves it because they feel hear but one day they will wake up and realize they know nothing about their partner. They will feel like there is no connection between them because the other does not talk. Trouble!
Not a dead end though because one can learn to talk about their feelings. Start by journaling your feelings then move on to voicing them out. This way your partner will have someone to have a conversation with instead of just talking your ear off.
All you need to do for your person to feel loved is:
- Quality time – set time aside for them. Shut out the noise and just be there for them and with them.
- Quality conversation – talk to them and listen to them too. Such a beautiful thing!
- Quality activities – go out for an activity that requires for the two of you to work together. It could be something you both enjoy or something your partner enjoys.
- Weekend getaway.
- Cooking classes together.
- Hiking (never count me here).
- Picnic date,
- Wine tasting
- Dinner date.
- Bungee jumping.
- Spa date.
There is so much more that one can do to keep these people happy. A movie night at home could honestly do the trick. Tell me something, how did you find out what your partners love language was? Was it through conversation or you just figured it out? CIAO!