This post is inspired by Pose season 3. This show is excellent, it tells the stories of the LGBTQIA+ community so well. There are struggles I already knew existed for the community but watching the show opened my eyes to the amount of privilege I live in. Simple things like if I were to decide to get married today, I would not have to be afraid to go out and apply for a license. For those who are a part of the LGBTQIA+ community in many African...
When I wrote my book, The Kings That Didn't Need This Queen, I was expressing the reason why those men I dated never needed to be with me. I was such a broken person, not that I am whole today, but I also lacked self-awareness. I was in search of something they could have never given me, the love my father gave me. I was starved of it since he had passed on and I hoped to find it it in these individuals. With every relationship I got into, I...
Many years ago before I was formed in my mother's womb my grandmother found out my grandfather was cheating on her. Like any woman, she was distraught from these findings but she was not going to let it slide. She did her best to find this woman's name and location which she successfully did. On one fateful morning, she woke up, served her husband, and left for an adventure. Little did Grandpa know that she was headed to his mistress's village....
There is that one saying we all love throwing around when someone we love has walked out of our lives, and it goes, ‘we meet people for a reason or a season.’ Such a comforting saying. We then follow it up with some heartfelt I love you’s in the hope that someone will come to hug the pain away. I am not subbing anybody because I am people, people is me! I met someone for one simple reason, to learn how I deserved to be loved. Grab some wine, it...
Let me start off by saying I am a very big fan of true crime documentaries and I will watch these at any point of the day if boredom strikes. I really enjoy them but I have to say on most days I am never ready for the shocking bits that each story comes with. Today I want to look back at one that had me questioning if marriage is really worth it. This one is called American Murder: The Family Next Door. In this story is a cute little family,...
“There are good men out there.” A statement that women often bring up during the cheating men conversation. I am not saying that it is untrue, I am saying being a good person has nothing to do with cheating. Good people cheat too. And this is the one reason why in my heart of hearts I can not convince myself that there is a man out there who does not cheat. I have tried so many times but I can not. I have been cheated on countless times since I...
'Act like a lady.' This is something I am sure many girls have been told, we are raised to act a certain way so that we can be perfect candidates for the wife role. I was once told to 'laugh like a lady,' and I was not sure if I was meant to kiki instead of just letting my laugh come straight from my belly. For years I became very conscious about my laugh and so I started imitating other people's laughs in the hope of finding the lady-like...
When I hear the phrase, 'life is unfair,' the positive human being that lives inside of me wants to counter that with some positive energy. 9/10 it feels like I am covering up and refusing to learn the lesson that is being presented to me. I never imagined that I could find something to replace this statement, but I did. The famous, 'if they want to they will,' fit the bill in my case. I felt my heart break and I hated the fact that I had...
There was a time when I was home alone and I had gone out into town for some errands. And as I was getting into a kombi (taxi) two men played major tricks on me and I didn't realize they were stealing my phone. It was only when I had settled and wanted to pull it and chat did I realize I didn't have it. I remember getting home and searching my entire body, hoping I had somewhat forgotten that I placed it in my bra or somewhere in my throat. The...
It can't be described in words yet here I am typing this blog post. Heartbreak is one thing we all have experienced, whether it's losing a loved one to death or just going your separate ways with someone you thought you would build forever with. Of course the pain that comes from these two scenarios can not be compared because one means that person is gone forever whilst the other leaves a chance of reconciliation. It's a hard space to be in,...
Sbwl sbwl! Tis’ the season to sbwl (this is short for ‘sabaweli’ which means ‘craving’) a life partner seeing as valentines is around the corner. Speaking of, what you are you doing for valentines day? As a little girl, I thought love was so easy to find, I blame the movies I watched. I should probably sue Disney for selling me dreams, cause I bought into them and for years I waited for my fairy-tale ending. Fast forward to adulthood and...
I was having a conversation with my brother the other day and he said to me, ‘we are all family, we need to check on each other and love each other.’ This coming from a person who years ago really minded his alcohol more than the people around him, I felt the growth he has gone through. He was right, we need to shower each other with love, at the end of the day we need each other. Please note that I have not yet defined the ‘we.’ Family is a...
Dealing with the internal mental things that go on with finding out you were cheated on. Self doubt, low self esteem, bargaining etc Who am I kidding, we all have plenty stories about this. We could write books and start podcasts about these experiences. The one thing that stands is how this truly affects us and each person differently. Please, feel free to use the comment as your venting space! Let me tell you the story about the first time I...
Do we really need friends? It's an important question and I find myself thinking about it more than I should actually. It feels silly to want friends as an adult, let alone to go out looking for friends, right? I agree but I don't. A social life is important, having people around you is important. (Trust me, I know this for a fact.) Healthy friendships help to boost your self-esteem, can help you live longer (it's a science thing), they lower...
Previously on Becoming uBu, we have been talking about infidelity, catch up on the last two blogs here and here. This one is for the ladies because we all know how men handle this. Men will welcome both the women, they will shower them with compliments, laugh with them and break bread with them. They are champs at this! This made me wonder if me ever tell each other that they are messing up a good thing by cheating, hhhhmmmmm. Hi men, please...
This may not be a fun read for someone who is actually cheating right now. Yikes! But let's have the conversation anyway, why are you cheating? I love hearing people's thoughts, so do share your theory on why you think people cheat. I remember being in high school and this one distant friend of mine always had many boyfriends. She always got cool gifts and her stories were always lit! Now that I think back on it, she probably lied to us and...
So you've found out your friend is being cheated on? Drawing the line, where is it drawn in this situation? Do you mind your own business or do you step in because your friend is your business? If you have ever found yourself in this position please share how you handled it in the comment section. I agree that this is very tricky territory. You are always one word away from either losing your friend to a liar or being humiliated because you...
A rude awakening is what I got once too many times because I chose my friends at face value. When I chose friends before I knew what they believed in, what their values were, and whether or not they even liked me. Whuuu shem chile, that isn't the way it goes. Lawd have mercy! See relationships with our friends is quite equivalent to the ones we build with our lovers, nothing much is different. Make sure your friend is actually your friend...
This post is inspired by Pose season 3. This show is excellent, it tells the stories of the LGBTQIA+ community so well. There are struggles I already knew existed for the community but watching the show opened my eyes to the amount of privilege I live in. Simple...
When I wrote my book, The Kings That Didn't Need This Queen, I was expressing the reason why those men I dated never needed to be with me. I was such a broken person, not that I am whole today, but I also lacked self-awareness. I was in search of something they could...
Many years ago before I was formed in my mother's womb my grandmother found out my grandfather was cheating on her. Like any woman, she was distraught from these findings but she was not going to let it slide. She did her best to find this woman's name and location...
There is that one saying we all love throwing around when someone we love has walked out of our lives, and it goes, ‘we meet people for a reason or a season.’ Such a comforting saying. We then follow it up with some heartfelt I love you’s in the hope that someone will...
Let me start off by saying I am a very big fan of true crime documentaries and I will watch these at any point of the day if boredom strikes. I really enjoy them but I have to say on most days I am never ready for the shocking bits that each story comes with. Today I...
“There are good men out there.” A statement that women often bring up during the cheating men conversation. I am not saying that it is untrue, I am saying being a good person has nothing to do with cheating. Good people cheat too. And this is the one reason why in my...
'Act like a lady.' This is something I am sure many girls have been told, we are raised to act a certain way so that we can be perfect candidates for the wife role. I was once told to 'laugh like a lady,' and I was not sure if I was meant to kiki instead of just...
When I hear the phrase, 'life is unfair,' the positive human being that lives inside of me wants to counter that with some positive energy. 9/10 it feels like I am covering up and refusing to learn the lesson that is being presented to me. I never imagined that I...