“There are good men out there.” A statement that women often bring up during the cheating men conversation. I am not saying that it is untrue, I am saying being a good person has nothing to do with cheating. Good people cheat too. And this is the one reason why in my heart of hearts I can not convince myself that there is a man out there who does not cheat. I have tried so many times but I can not.
I have been cheated on countless times since I started dating and we all know what that comes with, the gift of trust issues. However I think we did not realize that we were being conditioned for this behaviour since we were little girls. Our mother’s, grandmother’s and aunties would catch their men cheating and in as much as they tried to keep it away from us we saw it. They never left though, they told each other that it was a package deal with the marriage.
At bridal parties, the aunties will give a speech about it too. They will tell the bride to be to wear thick skin otherwise they may fall apart. They tell them that if he goes out to cheat they need to check themselves because they most probably did some thing to chase them away.
“Bath more, wear perfume, spread them legs, cook tasty food and he will come back to you,” – The aunties
“It does not matter if he decides to sleep around, he is your husband. He will always come back home to you, the other woman is temporary.” – The aunties
The men themselves are not ashamed much when they cheat, you know why? Because for years women have normalized it the same way we normalized that men aren’t the ones to keep a house clean. Absolute nonsense, I know but it’s just here happening every other day. Men will say things like, ‘I am a man, you know how it goes.’ No I do not John, how does it go? Women see the signs and they ignore them because it is a phase and it will pass. At whose expense? You cry yourself to sleep whilst waiting for the phase to pass, you hurt and that is supposed to be ok? Yes, it is, sadly.
Even in my dating experiences I practiced staying strong for the love between my man and I because that’s just what men do, right? I stayed and hoped that despite them sniffing other panties, I was the one they truly loved. Uhhhhhhmmmm I think the fuck not! I can call bullshit on it today but I can not say that my actions will match up with my words. You know why? Because it feels like I will leave and just a swap and top for a cheat that hides it better until they do not care enough to hide it from me?
Now that I think about it, it may even be the influence behind me not yearning for marriage. Why would I walk into an agreement with someone who is bound to break it anyway, feels like intentionally walking into a fire. It is crazy to me that we were taught to accept this toxic behavior because irizwhaririz!! It truly is a wild concept that seems to have no way out. So yep, I look at every man and I see a cheat. How do you feel about this?