I have struggled to accept my body for a very long time, I am still learning how to love myself but today I am going to talk about the many times that I have tried to change my body using all kinds of methods that did not work. I wish I remembered the year but years back when I had become Miss Independent, making my own coins I decided to make an investment that would change my life!

I bought myself some Herbalife pills my darlings. Whuuuuuu what a scam, laugh with me for falling into that one. First of all those things are so expensive and I can not understand why. When I made the purchase I was excited but ashamed so I told nobody about it. I made sure not to tell anyone, I hid the bottle in my closet behind my clothes. Who would get into my clothes anyway? I went about my life, eating as I pleased. The most exercise I got was when I walked to the bus stops on my way to work and back. I truly wanted the weight to drop so people could stop reminding me how fat I was. After two months of taking those pills, NOTHING CHANGED! When I say I was upset y’all., still am and I want a refund.

Oh and our maid found the pills, she had decided to pack my clothing and BAM! I wanted the ground to swallow me because why? Had I not suffered enough? She never said anything to me, she just mound her business. She did not tell on me either. A real one that one.

Well, when that failed I listened to the experts who said the reason I was fat was that I ate carbs. So the plan was in motion, eliminate those babies from my plate. I was going to eat meat, vegetables and fruits. I was going to order bunless burgers with a salad instead of chips. Smoothies were about to be my best friend, nobody was ready for the body I was about to get. Again I say WHAT A SCAM!!! The first days I was determined so I held on but then I went out with friends and listen my dzarling I had immediate withdrawal symptoms. I tried to tell myself that my food was just as good. That was me comparing my salad to pizza. what a lol!!!

Then the cravings start coming through. I woke up on some days and all I wanted was sadza. The Zimbabwean in me was struggling hard. I watched people at home have spaghetti and mincemeat, chile you know that is a good meal. I was still on veggies and salads. Then one day at work my boss was not in, I went to the kitchen and ordered sadza because I just could not do it anymore. I ate that sadza so fast, I did not want to be caught. Nobody caught me but that opened up a whole secret agency where I would sneak around to have the food that I liked.

I had lost weight but I gained double the weight when I got back to the carbs cause I overdid it. Another failed attempt at weight loss. I was getting depressed because nobody saw me before they saw the fat that I carried. My humps and lumps were always the first things they saw so I needed something to change. I wanted to look in the mirror and love myself. So guess what I tried next. I tried the famous warm water with vinegar and lemon every morning before a meal. I dedicated my mornings to being tortured by this concoction, that stuff tasted HORRIBLE and also gave me zero results.

Feels like the universe was sending me a message to say, you are doing this for all the wrong reasons. I needed to learn to love my body, I was a fat girl and that did not make me any less of a human being. It did not make me ugly or unlovable. The people who chose to see my weight before they saw who I really was had their own issues to work through. I went through all the motions, from depressed to angry with God for allowing me to get fat. When I did lose weight I had finally realized I had to do it for myself, I exercised, ate my carbs in smaller portions and learnt to love myself. The reality is I will never be a size 2, plus-size is where I will forever be and that is perfect. I am just choosing to be healthy whilst plus-size, that’s it!

Get this though, weight loss did not make me more desirable. The person I became did, I was happier and my personality was shining through me. I had started packing away the hate I had for myself and allowing the colours in me to paint my body. It was not an instant change, I am still learning to love my humps, lumps and dimples. My advice to anyone looking to shed some weight, forget the pills, potions and diets. These are going to keep you in a cycle of loss and gain because none of them are realistic. You know you can not do them for life so, cut the portions and exercise. On top of that, be kind to yourself. CIAO!