‘Love is beautiful!’ We say this a lot, when we experience it or when we think we are experiencing it. When we see it in other people and when we yearn for it. But why doesn’t it last for some us, where do we go wrong?
One of the reasons why we fall out with people is because we have not taken the time out to discover ourselves. We barely know who we are, we think we know but really do not. If you get out of a relationship and when you are asked what happened and you find that the blame is falling on your ex in your story something is off. A relationship does not fall apart because of one person unless of course, you were dating a psychopath.
It falls apart because of two people who failed and sometimes they fail because they both do not know who they are. There are a few things we overlook and they end up playing a part in the clashes we face in our relationships. I used to do this thing of blaming the man and never taking responsibility for my actions too until years later when I started to reflect. This reflection is what brought about my book, THE KINGS THAT DIDN’T NEED THIS QUEEN, where I write about the experiences, the lessons, and all my faults.
I learned that the following is very important to learn:
VALUES – We are learning about these in the life and lessons category so do check that out. Values are things you believe are important in the way you live and work. So take for example accountability, honesty or courtesy. It is important for you to know your top 5 values because those are the most important, if you know them and make them known then it helps your partner match them and vice versa. This way you are both satisfied and content.
HOW YOU DEAL WITH YOUR EMOTIONS – we all deal with emotions differently. For some silence and isolation works better, some prefer to talk it out right away and get past it. Some use music, I mean, you get the point. We often don’t communicate our process and it tends to frustrate the other person. So know your process and communicate it.
YOUR GOALS – how many movies have you watched where relationships fall apart because of different life goals? I know you are already listing them Tyler Perry movies right about now. It is not a lie, our goals are an important part of our lives and we would be damned if we failed to fulfill them because of another person. This is why it is important to know them and live them. You can tell if someone is going to have your back and help you chase those goals or not.
TRAUMA – we have all had our fair share of traumatic experiences. They do leave a mark on us and affect the way we look at life. You need to know whether you have dealt with it all or you are still dealing with it. Because trauma births triggers you need to be aware of where you stand. It is also important to communicate these with your partner.
NON-NEGOTIABLES – you need to have these in check and ready to share. Know them, sing them and do not compromise on them because when you do you will explode. It’s really that simple. If you negotiate on these do not turn around and blame your partner because you saw it and chose to stay for it. Your decision, your fault.
YOUR TYPE OF PEOPLE – who do you like around you? What kind of vibe can you work with? What kind of people can’t you stand? Surrounding yourself with the right people does wonders for you and your life. It also helps you when picking your person, best believe if his/her friends bore you then it will be a mess later.
I find these to be my top 6 what are yours? Feel free to mention them in the comment section and we could all learn from each other. Now may we cheers to LOVE!