How To Build Your Self-esteem In 5 Easy Steps

by | Jul 17, 2019 | Navigating Adulting | 1 comment

Life is, weirdly, full of contradictions. Growing up we all wanted to matter. We all wanted to be someone but life happened and how many of us are actually living our dreams? Most of us have found a way to make the most of what life handed us (make our lemonade out of lemons cliché). It is what it is. In doing so, however, most of us have lost our self-esteem. Each blow life hits us with kind of ends up taking a bit of us with it and before we know it, we have little or no belief in ourselves left.

Belief is important because to become that someone we once dreamt of being in our childhoods we have to believe that we can do it. Most importantly, knowing the difference between a healthy self-esteem and a huge ego. (We don’t want a huge ego that gets in the way and is just as bad as little to no self-esteem when it comes to achieving our goals.) It is critical to stay humble with each achievement but keep a healthy self-esteem as you do so. Here are some tips on how to build your self-esteem, strike and keep that balance.

A Thought Study

This requires you to examine, firstly, the company you keep. We have all heard how negative friends bring you down and keep you down or how small minded people are scared of big ideas and will try to keep big idea’d people boxed just like them. Well, it is true! Keep away from the negative company. Hang out with positive people who encourage you to be better, build you up and help you form belief in yourself. Exercise your power of association (and disassociation.)

Secondly, (you have probably have heard this before too) you are what you consume. This rule does not just apply to the food you feed your body. It applies to the content you feed your mind as well. This basically boils down to the message in that music you like so much, what are you learning from that show you binge on every weekend or what takeaways you got from the last book you read. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying don’t do fun things but everything in moderation. Reading or watching biographies of proficient people helps you humanize them. You learn that everything you go through, they do too but they still persevere. It works as motivation.

Baby Steps Count Too

Set your goals hourly, daily, weekly, monthly and before you know it you will be ready for annual or even 5-year goals. Achieving the small things works as a good motivator for you to go after the big things. It makes you feel good about yourself making it easier to work towards the next goal. Checking your goals of a checklist helps you keep track of what you have done and what still needs to be done. This way the couch is less inviting because you are not overwhelmed by chaos but can easily identify what is next. One step at a time, a journey of a thousand miles……

Mindset U-Turn

Be attentive to what you think about. As lonely as it may be when the little voice inside you is screaming every wrong thing you have ever done, you are not alone. Our inner voices seem to be loudest when telling us negative things, it’s not just you. Think about the things you think about, for every negative thought counter it with two positive ones. Everyone has some positive things they can celebrate about themselves. Listening to positive motivation audios during your morning routine, on the bus or during your tea break also helps you learn to think positive.

Just Do It!

You don’t wanna wake up one day when you are old and frail wondering what happened to you, do you? Most of our worries are unfounded; our thoughts of what ifs cloud our minds and stop us from being what we want to be. If you hate your job, actively pursue better options and change that job. Don’t go through life miserable when the power to be happy is in your hands. Unhappiness spirals you down to low esteem, not liking yourself or who you become. Believe in you and do something about that situation!

Sit Down, Be Humble!

When you have done it all, achieved all your goals and you are where you have always wanted to be. You are living the dream, remember to be meek. It’s a lot of work I know but do stay grounded. A healthy balance between humility and healthy self-esteem is a tricky thing to get right. No one is ever THAT big of a deal but we all are valuable. You are not as bad as your worst mistake or as good as your greatest success. We are all inbetweeners including you, even when you have achieved the most. Remember to be humble.

Anesu Nevera Nee Nyakubaya


Anesu Nhevera Nee Nyakubaya is a writer, blogger and poet. Her work has been featured in 2 Zimbolicious Anthologies as well as a number of blogs. For more of her work you can visit her blog