‘Act like a lady.’ This is something I am sure many girls have been told, we are raised to act a certain way so that we can be perfect candidates for the wife role. I was once told to ‘laugh like a lady,’ and I was not sure if I was meant to kiki instead of just letting my laugh come straight from my belly. For years I became very conscious about my laugh and so I started imitating other people’s laughs in the hope of finding the lady-like laugh. I never found it, so guess who went back to their belly laugh. I did not have the range for the lady-like laugh.
When the term lady-like was used on me, I really thought it was more about how I carried myself in public. I thought it had to do with the way I dressed, chewed, spoke and sat. I was never ready for the conversation around sex and being ladylike. The thing is it was not about how I responded to the strokes or how loud I was meant to be, it was deeper than that. It was more about how sexual I was allowed to be as a woman. A lady does not initiate sex, she also does not tell a man how to please her because then that makes her a whore and that is never good.
For a very long time, I struggled with this ‘norm.’ Why weren’t women allowed to enjoy sex. It did not make it any easier that when this was sold to me as my reality I was still a Christian and the bible was quoted to solidify the concept. Men were meant to know what our bodies liked and responded to therefore it was not our job to instruct them. I do not quite remember the scriptures but they were enough to make me feel like it was indeed wrong for me to exist as a human being with a high sex drive. To cap it off I was still a virgin, whatever that means. So by the time I was sexually active I made sure to be a ‘lady.’
I would feel the urge for sex, but never did I act on it. I would just sit close to the man and hope that somehow he would ping off of my urge and act on it. That rarely happened and sometimes I was just lucky enough. I became so good at being a lady that I was sure I deserved an award. I wanted to grab the mic from the pastor to let them know I was doing so well, I was allowing the man to be a man. I wanted them to know that I was wife material and they should consider me high on the bids. But then I would be judged for not being a virgin, so I sat in my pride.
I was the perfect unsatisfied lady, I wondered what the point of the act was when I got nothing. I felt nothing. One day I decided I was not going to have it, so I initiated sex. My heart was beating out of my chest but I asked for what I wanted and told him what to do and that was the day the lady in me died. I found my pleasure, outside of masturbation and sex finally made sense. In case you already did not know, men know nothing about pleasing a woman and so you have to help them. Yep, every single one of them. Some will ride off one blueprint because it worked on Susan, remind them that you are not Susan.
Dear men, tuck your egos into your ball sack and listen to a woman, ask them what they like and deliver it. If you have things you are new to, express that and trust that we will guide you. You know damn well we already love ordering people around, we will not shy away from the task in the bedroom. If you open up the lines of communication then guess who will also listen to your instructions and pleasure you too? Everybody get’s the good rush and has a great day.
Dear women, f*ck being a lady. You deserve the mind-blowing orgasms you were made to experience. You have the right to be kinky and freaky, have sex whilst hanging from the ceiling if it works for you. You can scream as loud as you can, talk dirty and experiment with butt plugs. Choke or get Choked, my point is a REAL lady gets her orgasm! Go out there and make your coochie proud. CIAO!