Years ago I got the chance to visit a childrens home (I hate calling them orphanages, story for another day) with my then church choir. It was such a trip for me because I too was orphaned at seven years old. I wanted to hug all of them and let them know that they were going to be ok, that they deserved to dream as big as they wanted to no matter what. I wanted them to know that they are not less because they lost their parents, they were enough. And then a part of me was afraid to be asked why they had to go through it, because that is a question even I could not answerfor myself.
I remember having tears in my eyes and fighting them back, I was not going to be the weak one in the group. So I did my best to smile and hide behind tall peoplejust in case I needed to wipe away a tear or two. I knew people would either pity me or think I was seeking attention, human beings can be horrible.Before I knew it we were beign asked to interact with the children, basically pick a child and have a conversation with them.The tears disappeared and I was instantly anxious, I am not great at making conversations. Children scare me more than adults because rejection from a child is very honest, I just couldn’t.
I had to though, there was no escape. So I waited till there was one left and I went to her. She was very shy but with an amazing smile. Her melanin was hard to ignore and she was rocking a nice haircut. We started talking and surprisingly we got along, she was a lover of books and at the time she wanted to be a doctor. I do not kow about today. We took selfies and had a laugh. I then asked wha twas the one thing she wanted, and she sad she wanted a satchel, a pink one. I promised her a satchel, if and only if she passed that term.
My heart was in the right place, I truly wanted to do this for her but well, life happened. Years later I still hurt because I gave a little girl a smile and filled her with a dream of owning her very own pink satchel and I bailed on her. I think about her a lot and I kick myself each time because I know what it is like to be her.I know what it is like for someone to come and promise you something you something and then just forget you. The guilt has not faded, I almost want to look for her but I do not know where to begin. I can not remember the name of the children’s home and that is the key I need.
The point of this blog post is that it is important not to make promises to people, our intentions are always right but we never know what life holds for us. And sometimes it feels like the devilis listening and waiting to get in the way of you fulfilling the promises you make. At the end of the day you will hurt someone and possibly trigger them in the same process. You are better off making the promise in your heart and just actioning it. I hate promises because of this same reason, people do not realize that I hold onto it and I believe them. The let down hits me hard, I imagine that little girl wet through it too.
Stop promising and just do! CIAO!