This is another new category and what I basically do here is call myself out on the bullshit I believed in. I have written pieces that are very judgemental and lack understanding of what life really is. The first one on the list is the one title H-town vs World. If you have never read it then go ahead and take a sneak peek and then come back to this one. The summary is that I judged people for getting drunk on alcohol instead of the holy spirit, yikes! How crazy is that considering that I myself have not stopped drinking alcohol?
Needless to say, I take it all back and not because I am still a drinker but because I understand life a little better. I spoke on finding peace and comfort in God when life goes to shit but I ignored the fact that there is a very high chance we turn to destructive ways of coping because we were never taught how to process our emotions. Growing up, expressing ourselves when we are not feeling great was shunned upon.
In my language, they would call it ukudedesa, which loosely translates to being a cry baby. This also implied that one is weak and the truth is nobody wants to be called weak so we stopped. We shoved our feelings down and walked around wearing the armour of strength. Yet for every time we did that, parts of us broke to a point where we felt they were irreparable. There was no safe space and I guess the downside of it all was that our parents also suffered from depression and had no answers for it. They too did not know how best to deal with it. So they taught us to, ‘be strong & pray.’
Outside of the home, religion told us the only way for our sorrows to end was in praying, tithing, serving and being about God. It said depression was a sign of a disconnect between you and God. Which also translated feelings of depression and anxiety to being a heavy sinner because what else could bridge a gap between you and God. When you stop hearing the holy spirit then it means you have turned away and immersed yourself into the things of the world. For some being depressed and expressing it meant that demons were surrounding them and were due for an exorcism.
The combination of these two toxic cycles we grew up in led us into the states we live in today. I truly feel like we are moving incognito and hoping for the best. We were silenced and we found solace in alcohol and drugs, we are not to blame. It is unfortunate that many are still exposed to both toxic cycles and drug use is increasing daily. So we need to practice kindness towards people and instead teach them how to deal with their emotions. We need to demystify the myth that says that talking about our emotions in a healthy manner is weak or gay. Instead, let’s help each other to find healthy ways to cope with depression.
I had also forgotten that the people that chose to drown their depression in alcohol and drugs had chosen life because most people gave up on life and committed suicide. My post was wrong because it did not help or teach anyone how to address depression and anxiety, instead it brought more shame onto people. And for that, I apologize. Depression and anxiety are not solved by the holy spirit, alcohol or drugs. Counselling, journaling, therapy, kindness towards one another are our best bets. Love and light, CIAO!