Why Pain And Hurt Are Part Of Your Healing

by | May 12, 2021 | Love, Sex & Relationships | 4 comments

There was a time when I was home alone and I had gone out into town for some errands. And as I was getting into a kombi (taxi) two men played major tricks on me and I didn’t realize they were stealing my phone. It was only when I had settled and wanted to pull it and chat did I realize I didn’t have it.

I remember getting home and searching my entire body, hoping I had somewhat forgotten that I placed it in my bra or somewhere in my throat. The phone was gone but I sat on the floor in denial. It wasn’t adding up, I couldn’t believe it was gone and at the same time I regretted placing my phone in my pocket. On the one day I chose not to be careful this happened, darn it!

Kinda feels the same when you end up fighting the burns of a break up doesn’t it. When you believed that you were with the right person, the kind that wouldn’t hurt you or leave you and then they hit you by surprise for one reason or the other. I find this phase to be the worst one cause the battle lives within you. 

Denial hurts because you keep walking into a brick wall, your hope tells you that maybe if you worked a little harder everything will get back to normal and you get an astounding no. You will say a prayer and make promises to God that you know you can not keep just in the hope that this person will come back. Your mind does trips trying to figure out if you are missed as much as you miss them or are they just going about their lives like nothing happened. A nightmare.

The routine you once knew now has to change. This is the hardest one to undo, because it all made sense when you were with them didn’t it. The nap dates, the movie nights, the scheduled video calls, none of it will make sense after all. Your entire world has to be rearranged and that is a reminder of the change that has taken place in your life. I found it was one of the reasons I sat in denial longer than I imagined. My tip, the earlier you accept the change, the faster you get out of denial, I replaced most of the things with writing and reading time cause I am safest there. It worked for me. Find your safe replacements!

Then come the friends and family, they too need to be updated and this is were regret often stems from. Having to update the people in your life and retelling your story is annoyingly painful. And whilst it is painful, anxiety plays a very big role, in your head you start to hear all the judgement that they will pass. And as you take yourself through all those painful thoughts you start to feel like a fool for loving someone to begin with. The regret is the type that has you wishing you could bury yourself yet, we have all been here including your friends and family. They may be the best pillar you need as you heal. I kept my reality to myself for a while before telling my friends and I promise you it felt better to cry to someone than it did on my own.

None of this is easy and I absolutely understand it. I also want you to know that it is ok to feel this and more, however your healing doesn’t depend on anyone else other than yourself. So after crying you still need to get up and map your way to healing. And it’s starts with acceptance. It will hurt until it doesn’t, you will find your light again. CIAO!