Why You Need To Choose Yourself & Not The Sex

by | Jun 14, 2020 | Navigating Adulting | 4 comments

Sex is the number source of confusion in a toxic relationship. No, I lie, GOOD SEX is the number one source of confusion toxic relationship. It can easily make one believe that they are in love and everything is going to be ok when in fact they were just horny and the pipe was laid right or she just rode you like a rodeo. Is that the statement?


Okafor’s Law: this law states that when the sex is good the first time it makes it very difficult to say no to the person. This happens to be a theory that came straight out of Nigeria, it is believed that the penis has a magical power. If the power is stirred up right then that woman will always say yes to that man, no matter what. Yes to sex, yes to a relationship, yes to his mama. She basically becomes a yes madam! I am going to need the gentlemen out there to come forth and confirm this theory.

Good sex is scarce: studies show that in many heterosexual relationships, most women are not satisfied sexually because of this very reason when they find someone who satisfies them it is possible that they will stay no matter what the consequences. Basically, men need to do better. *rolls eyes*

Tunnel vision: when you are horny all you can think about is releasing the tension and you want to get it from the one person who does it best. Might as well get the big OG than waste that horniness huh?


YOU LOSE YOUR SENSE OF SELF-WORTH – you start to believe that you are nothing but a sex machine, you deserve nothing else in a relationship. You begin to feel like you are not worthy of love and therefore the fact that the person is with you then you are lucky. Wild, isn’t it? If the relationships are abusive it is even worse and results in one losing their self-esteem and believing that life without this person is meaningless for them.  

ACCEPTING LOVE BECOMES DIFFICULT – later in life when someone else shows up and chooses to love you for who you are and love you unconditionally you will not recognize love. You will not accept it either. Coming out of a toxic relationship after a long time has such an effect because you were subject to unfair treatment. Your belief is that love is not real and your fear blocks you from allowing anyone into your life again. This is why therapy/counseling is important once one leaves a toxic relationship.

YOUR CONFIDENCE DIES – it feels like you are not good enough for anything, so the effects start to affect other parts of your life too. This person managed to tear you down so much so that your drive to live your life fully dies. The thought of going out and doing something you know you would love to or applying for a job you know you would be great at is scary. You believe you cannot do it, stripped of your confidence.

ISOLATION – you steer clear of human beings and at times it is not by choice. Abusive people often want you to themselves and they isolate you from your family and friends. They do this through manipulation until you start to believe that indeed the only person you need is them. When you look around you and there is nobody else in your life it is a sign and you need to run. A person that truly loves you wants you to have a healthy social life, they want to be a part of your family, they want you to be happy.    

DEPRESSION – feelings of depression start to creep in and you get into a dark place. Life is just heavy on you, you don’t want to get out of bed. You don’t have the zeal to do anything and when it gets to suicidal thoughts then it has gone too far. No amount of good sex is worth staying for if you have begun to contemplate your life.

That sounded like a good closing statement, why did I put it there? All I am saying is if you are reading this and you resonate, you need to do something. That something is not talking things out and staying, that something is leaving and getting your life back. Pray to your God/s for a good man or woman who has out of this world bedroom skills too, it will happen. I promise! CIAO!