We battle with insecurity every other day, I have days when there is a job opening that a friend sends to me and I question why they would think I fit the description. Sometimes I find myself getting angry, it almost feels like an insult. You and I both know that is just my insecurity coming out to play, it is my doubt turning against me. I remind myself that nobody would send me a job opportunity if they thought that I could not do it, nobody would do that. I have come a long way with this and the fact that I can stop myself from lashing out and talk myself into realizing that I am enough is a big step.
Our insecurities stem from different reasons one of them being that you were never enough for your parental figure. Even when you thought you had done well, the praise never came and so somewhere within you, you do not believe that you are good at anything. If you find yourself in a space where you do not celebrate yourself whilst other people are seeing great work then you are stuck in that space of self-doubt.
I talk about this with such passion because I experienced it in my growing up and till today I need to continue to tell myself that even though I never got that praise it does not change who I am. It does not change that I am good at what I do. Someone else chose to be blind and push a personal agenda and that is on them, not me.
At some point placing blame on your past experiences is really a major problem, that is you running away from dealing with the reality. You would rather fail at being you, for whatever reason it makes you feel like the person might love you longer. That if they were right after all they will stick around and cuddle you, the need for their approval is like a drug. Quit, it will not happen, pleasing them will drive you to your death.
We shy away from choosing ourselves and acknowledging the talent hat we are because we are afraid to fail and allow the person to be right all over again. Not a single successful person out there had a smooth sailing journey to the top. The falls are coming but you are the strength you need to get up and go. So stop cuddling the insecurities and telling the same story over and over again, if you have not started working towards letting go of the past and loving yourself then jokes on you.
Let me just say it is one thing to talk about the reason for insecurities that have faded or are fading and another to continue to blame your insecurities on that one story and holding onto it until until. Playing a victim for the rest of your life is a gateway to being a toxic person. I had to stop myself from being this, I had a season in my life where all I sought from people was sympathy, felt nice but it was draining those that were around me.
Sometimes we are our own enemy and I am saying this to help someone see that the insecurities do not fade until you work towards them fading. Until you choose to stop, forgive, affirm yourself and see yourself in a new light you will be that bitter almost toxic (if not completely toxic) insecure person. Whoever you choose to continue to blame for the life you lead is probably not thinking half as much about you. The painful reality, again I say choose yourself. CIAO!