The saying, ‘Know your worth,’ is thrown around a lot on the internet these days. Nine times out of ten this statement is used in reference to a relationship that has gone sour. Someone cheats and the definition of knowing your worth is walking away from the relationship. You find out that your person has another person, you either wait for them to choose you or walk away because YOU KNOW YOUR WORTH.
I too chose to run with this at one point when I was not chosen, I fell in love with a man that had someone else. I waited for him to see me and only me, to choose me and that never came. I broke, I hurt and I felt like I was unlovable. How could it be that this person said they loved me so dearly but they could not choose me? So I woke up one day and decided to choose myself, if he would not choose me heck I would do it my damn self. I have had to say goodbye before but that was the hardest goodbye I have ever had to let out.
As I was going through the emotions and searching for my healing I asked myself about this thing we call worth. What is it really? What measure are we to use for this thing we call worth? I realised that my worth has been tied to being chosen, chosen by a parent, friend and a man. When someone decides that I can be a part of their life then my worth is levelling up. I was also raised to believe that being chosen had more worth than anything else.
Our mothers taught us this in the worst way ever. Cook so a man can choose you otherwise he will bring you back. Pull-on your labia otherwise, you will be sent back, be neat, tidy and presentable otherwise your husband will bring you back. So many things that we are meant to learn for ourselves are tied to us being chosen. Once you are chosen and a man decides you are his forever then your worth can not be questioned, you are the win. But are you really?
Is that measure of worth valuable if you do not do anything for yourself in the end. If everything you do is so that you can be chosen, then do you really know what you are worth. Correct me if I am wrong, but this means we do not know what it means to just be. We do not know what it means to do things without the need to please other people, because without pleasing other people then we are not going to be chosen. I realised that I was unsure what worth really meant.
I can not find the words to articulate what I am feeling or what I felt in the moment. I felt robbed, nobody taught me how to exist without searching for the approval of another human being. Nobody said life would be ok if I was not chosen or if I never got to be someones forever. I felt empty when I left that man and I could not figure out what to do next. Who was I supposed to be if nobody was choosing me? What was I worth then? My world came crumbling down and it felt like I needed to start over.
I am still figuring it out. I am still learning that I am not worth any less if I am not chosen, be it a relative, a man or a friend. It is not easy because the conditioning has been intense over the years. I hope through this story you too learn the lesson. We are on a journey, a long one but we become through the lessons. I hope we cross the finish line with the understanding that our worth lies within us. CIAO!