My heart skipped a beat when I was typing that topic because what a big topic to write about. It really hits close to home, this is a struggle for many of us. As I thought about this topic I realized that as we grow our parents picked up on our flaws and they used them as weapons. They used them to hurt us, and mostly the physical flaws. When they made it a habit it opened doors for the rest of the family and friends to use it against us.
I do not know if they ever saw the impact that it had on us, on our confidence and shaping us. It tends to result in a person pulling back and being filled with the fear to be themselves. It strips you of your self-worth and so even when you get into a new space those voices are ringing in our heads we think the new people around are secretly thinking or saying the same things. Our flaws become a prison we choose to stay in. it cripples us.
What we do not realize is that our flaws make us and it is not enough to just know them. You need to lean them and accept them. The moment you do this there is no way anyone else is going to and make you feel like you are not enough because you know that you are. Society wants your flaws to be a reason you fail but then your very flaw could be your weapon to win. Ever imagine what Tina Turner went through growing up with her husky voice? Had she hidden it, would we know who she is?
LEARN & ACCEPT
*See your flaws in a new light – stop looking at them as negatives. Renew your mindset towards them and think outside the box. Allow them to be a part of you, to gel with that which people have deemed ‘good’ about you because they belong there. Realize that they are not going away, stop trying to change them or mask them. Be honest with yourself.
*Practice gratitude daily – affirm yourself daily. Recently I had a conversation with someone on twitter and she had asked if as a plus-size woman I make it know that I am plus size when I am talking to someone I am vibing with. Which of course I do because this is one flaw that has made me self-conscious, then she said to me, ‘start affirming yourself.’ Here is the thing I do this daily but never have I thought affirming myself about my body was a thing. It is and it works!
*Acknowledge that you are not your thoughts – what happens is that the world around you feeds your mind and you start to believe things that aren’t true. If your flaw comes up and is spoken about negatively you tend to internalize this and tell yourself that is who you are. It is not. This is why it is important to have time to yourself and talk to yourself, this way you wash away negative theories set by the world about who you should be.
*Take care of yourself – we abandon ourselves because we think we do not deserve nice things just because of our flaws. We deserve it all! Do the things you love, practice self-care, and love yourself without thinking twice.
*Flaws make you interesting – I met someone who picked up on my flaws so easily but they never used them against me. They changed my mindset because instead of making them a big negative they told me that was their favorite thing about me. The shock hit me. It goes back to being around people who actually love and appreciate you for who you are. Avoid people who use your flaws to make themselves feel better, by all costs. There are people who will take you as you are and cherish you.
*Allow yourself to be vulnerable – life experiences turn us into closed up human beings, we would rather nobody now who we are or pick up on our flaws. It feels safer, and safer is better than dealing with the emotions that come with letting people in. I get it but here is the thing, we cannot run away from being hurt. Hurt in itself makes us stronger teaches us more about ourselves. So be vulnerable, learn more about yourself. The best protection is actually knowing yourself.
It will not happen overnight, but it needs you to actually start. I hope you choose to actually start, I hope you choose yourself and nothing else. You are a gem and we need you to shine. CIAO!