Cause I am. I know for some it seems like I have everything on lock but I am not going to lie, I crumble too. I am scared of what the future holds, are the decisions I am making now going to have a positive effect in the future. I often wonder if there is something I am missing, when opportunities knock on my door and I turn them down I question whether I did the right thing or just played myself. I wish I could see into the future but ay, I am here playing guess work. I manage to talk myself out of the fear but it somehow creeps back.
I am scared that my love life is going to remain non existent. I should not be concerned right? I should just keep my eyes on the money and the rest shall fall into place, yes? Is that how it works? I would love to act like I don’t care about this part of my life but I do. I have been hurt countless times but I still want to try. In most stories today the woman who has been hurt closes the door on love and levels up so hard she only dates for power. I thought I could be that woman, but I am not. I will level up but I want to to date for love and companionship. For whatever reason I just don’t know if it’s coming my way.
I am scared of failing and that’s not because I have anyone to please. I am scared of failing because I won’t have anyone to catch me in those times, I have failed before and it hurt. So now I work a little too hard because I don’t want to find myself back where I started but life doesn’t have a formula. Today could be great and tomorrow a whole horror story. I am scared that my hard work isn’t enough to keep me away from failure. It sounds ridiculous right? But it’s valid for me, I wish I could shut this part down because it has me sitting in a panic before I remind myself that I am destined for greatness.
I am scared that I will be a terrible mother some day. I mean, I know what’s right and wrong but what if I fail to actually do the right thing for my children? What if I don’t give them the love they want and deserve. I would be adding to the cycle of broken children in the world, the very cycle that I am fighting to break now. What if I pass on the brokenness that lives in me to them. Hear me out, you know how sometimes we think we are doing well at masking our pain yet the things we do reflect that pain clearly. My children will inherit this brokenness and I don’t know if I can forgive myself. Cry with me.
Our fears may not be the same, but I know something scares you. Today I want to remind you that you are not wrong to be afraid. It only becomes a problem when the fear drives you into overdrive. You need to be able to manage your fears, always counter them with positivity. Nobody on earth can say they move with zero fear, even those worth billions are afraid of something. Always counter with positivity.
Tomorrow is uncertain, we have no idea what is on the other side of the door. What we do know is we have right now to do something we love, make a change where we can, love someone, and be better people. That’s what I continue to remind myself when fear is choking me, I don’t get out of it right away. It may take a couple of days of feeling, crying, overthinking but I eventually step out of it and you can too. CIAO!