Will Our Parents Normalize Setting Boundaries, Honest Conversations & Apologies?

by | Apr 23, 2020 | For The Culture | 2 comments

Just yesterday a tweet went out where a father was scolding his oldest son for failing his exams. Scolding is a very light term, he was being an African parent. Angry for having spent so much money on school fees and his son bringing back dismal results. He beat him up and called him stupid. When the son tried to explain himself he got a clap for that.

In Africa you do not get to speak your mind, you do not get to explain yourself to your parents. It is rude to voice out because then you are talking back. I am sure this is how a conversation is supposed to happen but ay, it is disrespectful to have a conversation with an adult.

I tried this conversation thing at one time with a parent. I lay my feelings out on the table and stated facts, it was the facts that caused the friction. The parent felt like I was being ungrateful and undermining what they had done for me. I was so confused, and the result of that conversation was them not speaking to me AT ALL for months.

Is there anything like resolving conflict with your parents? It feels like playing broken telephone all your life if you ask me. I feel like conversations are the first thing that should happen but if we can not have one then the next solution is keeping a distance, right? How do we even start battling this thing? How do we normalize honest conversations with our parents and actually getting apologies?

What scares me is that I see how this trait is passed on from parents to children too. My sibling does not know how to apologize, she really doesn’t and I know she knows when she has done wrong. The words, ‘I am sorry,’ will never leave her lips, impossible! She would rather fly off a roof.

Most parent-child relationships have fallen apart because of this right here and I get it because as a child who has been through this I know how draining it can be. The relationship starts to feel very toxic and resentment starts to grow so you choose to walk away and let it be. The love never fades but the respect does. It’s amazing how parents would rather lose their child instead of making amends and admit to being wrong. Really puzzles me.

I yearn for a world where setting boundaries, conversations and apologies weren’t something that felt like a taboo. Maybe you have had a breakthrough with your parents, please share how you did it. We all need the recipe out here, please! The comment section is open. CIAO!