The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate is a book that was written by Gary Chapman in 1992. Since then, it has revolutionized the way relationships work. In simple terms, it just explains how people are different in how they want to be loved. It’s basic stuff. Take the question: What makes you feel relaxed after a long, tiring day? You are bound to get different answers.
“A hot soak in the tub and a glass of wine.”
“Eating my favourite pizza and watching Netflix.”
“Chilling on the couch and scrolling through Twitter.”
“A few beers with my boys or playing games on my computer.”
Love is sort of the same. When it comes to what makes a person feel loved, Gary Chapman came up with this brilliant theory that there are five basic ways a person can feel loved. Here is the breakdown:
QUALITY TIME
The 5 Love Languages
Spending time together that is meaningful to both of you and where you get to interact and focus with each other. It could be cooking and eating dinner together, or going out to have fun.
PHYSICAL TOUCH
The 5 Love Languages
Physical proximity and contact. Hugging, holding hands, kisses on the forehead and sex – it all depends on the context.
ACTS OF SERVICE
The 5 Love Languages
Doing things for the person you love. It might be something that takes a burden off their shoulders or makes life easier for them. Examples include washing their clothes, cooking and cleaning for them.
GIFTS
The Comfort Series
This love language is so simple it doesn’t require an explanation, except to say, giving gifts doesn’t mean you have to spend a lot of money all the time. It could be something as simple as a homemade birthday card.
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
The 5 Love Languages
This is expressing love, appreciation, and compliments through words. It may be in a verbal or written form. Saying ‘I love you’ or, ‘You look beautiful’ are pretty good examples.
We already know what languages like English, French, and Shona do. They allow us to express our thoughts and intentions to other people. In the same way, these five languages help us express the love we feel to people around us. If your boyfriend feels loved when you communicate in Shona then that is their love language. If you think English is better and you communicate in English, it won’t change a thing because they won’t feel loved! It doesn’t make sense because human beings and their emotions and feelings are very complex. You just have to accept the way things are and start loving your person the way they want to be loved. It’s also important to know that some people are fluent in more than one love language. They might say quality time and words of affirmation are their love languages, although they will appreciate the other three to a lesser extent. Everyone has primary and secondary love languages but in any case, all languages are equally important. To enhance your experience of these five love languages here are three things you need to know:
We are all different
As humans, we tend to think, experience and feel things from our point of view. We also think that people experience and feel things the way we do and we force them to adopt these experiences and feelings. Of course, it doesn’t work and that is the cause of so many problems in relationships. A wife will resent a husband who buys her expensive jewelry and flowers but is always busy at work and never spends time with her. A husband will resent a wife who sends a maid to cook and wash for him even if she’s very affectionate physically. People might think they are expressing love to their partner but what’s the point if they don’t feel loved? Find your partner’s love language and learn to speak it fluently. Learn to communicate with your partner so you can find out what makes each of you feel loved.
Love languages are important in all your relationships
Did you know the concept of love languages can be applied to parents and their children? Or to your relationship with your friends, colleagues, and siblings? We all know how kids can be different. Some love hugs, some crave words of praise and yet others are happiest when you buy them their favorite toy or make them their favourite meal. By learning your child’s love language you will make them feel loved in the best way possible. The same can be said about your other relationships. If they are important to you, you can deepen that relationship by learning to speak the other person’s love language. You might call a friend up and tell them how you appreciate them as a friend (words of affirmation). Or you can take out a colleague for lunch and pay for their meal (gifts). If it’s a sibling, you can hug them the next time you see them (physical touch) or do a chore they hate like doing the dishes (acts of service). You can plan activities for the people you love so you spend some quality time over coffee if that is their love language.
Love languages are all about free expression and enthusiasm
If you love someone it’s something you express because you want to. Love languages are not about forcing people to do certain things or act in a certain way. Some people use their insecurities and abusive natures to force people that love them to do the things they want. That’s not love. It’s incompatibility and abuse. Speaking your partner’s love languages should never become a burden. If it is, then some underlying issues need to be investigated.
Conclusion
The five love languages are a wonderful concept that can strengthen your relationships and help you express the love you feel for the people close to you. Adopt them and speak them, freely, enthusiastically and with understanding!
Written by Nandi Shona
You can find Nandi Shona's amazing erotica on www.nandishona.rf.gd. Trust me when I say you want to be there! You may also check out their twitter and instagram @NandiShona.